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6 Heroes from Your Christian Childhood That Are Way Weirder Than You Realized

6 Heroes from Your Christian Childhood That Are Way Weirder Than You Realized

For those of you raised in the church, there was no shortage of well-intentioned and, often, surprisingly well-produced content involving kindly, wise, biblically literate, not-necessarily-human mentors who served as your very first heroes. We did a little digging and came up with a few of our favorites.

1. Psalty the Singing Songbook

Most people understood from the get-go that a talking hymnal was an unusual character. But Psalty ultimately charmed all of us with his encyclopedic knowledge of hymnody that he used to soothe the fears of his youthful choir, whose parents had no problem shipping their children off on global concert tours under the care of an anthropomorphic hymnbook. According to Psalty’s throughly detailed website, he and his family (his wife, Psaltina; daughters, Melody and Harmony; and son, Rhythm — also, often accompanied by a churchmouse named Charity and a superhero salamander named Solomon) all live in Happyville, but Psalty embarks on an annual pilgrimage to a “Winter Worship Workshop in the mountains.” Because, though he’s a dedicated family man, Psalty cultivates a spirit of adventure? No wonder he was our hero.

2. John Avery Whittaker

Focus on the Family’s Adventures In Odyssey radio program largely centered around John Avery Whittaker, and his lore goes deep. He was primarily known as the kindly old owner of a local ice cream parlor, but his resume makes Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World seem about as fascinating as a styrofoam cup. Whit has been an international spy, an archeologist, an encyclopedia publisher, an inventor, a World War II signalman, a pilot, an ancient languages translator and a rogue agent. He even invented a sort of time machine in “The Imagination Station,” which at one point was even shown to be capable of whisking people into the afterlife. But did we question his background or exhilarating plans? No! Because we were too busy focused on the important life lessons he was sharing (and the ‘stache, if we’re being honest).

3. Colby the Computer

Before there were smartphones or AI, there was Colby. Colby called himself a computer back when computers were a novelty. They were large and, if you watched Colby, were talking, singing Bible trivia whizzes who wore roller skates. Yes, Colby was more of a robot than a computer, but Colby’s legions of young fans were probably more comfortable telling their parents they were hanging out with a computer than with a giant robot. Unlike Psalty, Colby’s backstory remains shrouded in mystery. Who is he? Where did he come from? What inventor gave him life, or is Colby part of the moment of singularity, in which machines become self-aware on their own accord? And, if so, did the children around him have any idea what they were dealing with?

4. Dr. Jake Cooper

The Secret of the Desert Stone (The Cooper Kids Adventure Series #5): Peretti, Frank; Word Pub: 9780849936432: Amazon.com: Books

Dr. Jake Cooper was the patriarch of the titular family in Frank Peretti’s Cooper Kids Adventure Series, and he was the world’s coolest dad and every helicopter parent’s mortal enemy. Picture Indiana Jones with two kids, whom he would throw into harm’s way at any opportunity. This family of archeologists globe-hopped from unspeakable terror to unspeakable terror, dealing with some truly horrifying, life-altering and childhood-scarring characters. They thwarted the apocalypse. They killed off the last of Goliath’s ancestors. They were trapped in a sunken submarine, hypnotized by poisonous slugs and offered as a sacrifice to giant snakes. A normal man might have left his children in care of a babysitter for such horrors, but Dr. Cooper figured there was no sense in babying his children through life. He brought them into the heat of every adventure he had and, in his defense, they never seemed any worse for it.

5. McGee

Like many of your childhood heroes, McGee’s true nature remains a subject of debate. The focus of the McGee and Me video series was Nick, a relatively normal boy whose adventures generally had some biblically sound moral. He and his friends braved tornadoes, snuck into horror movies and, memorably, ransacked the house of a frightening-but-friendly old Native American. The only difference between you and Nick was that you didn’t have an animated pal who would pop up, Jiminy Cricket style, to offer advice and comedic relief. However, McGee’s origin is where things get trick. Was McGee simply a product of Nick’s imagination or Nick had harnessed the power of breathing life into his drawings? Or was there something even more bizarre happening? The show never made it clear, and we’re haunted by it to this day.

6. Bibleman

Superhero comics have long held a place in the cultural zeitgeist, so it’s not surprising Christians wanted to capitalize on their own Christian superhero. Larry Boy was doing decent work in the Veggietales Cinematic Universe, but apparently that wasn’t enough for the 90s. Enter: Bibleman. Bibleman is the Christian costumed hero whose yellow laser sword appears to be at least somewhat powered by his *checks notes* Scripture memorization abilities. We’re pretty sure he’s supposed to remind us that with the Spirit and Bible on our side, we too can fight villains. But in a world of elite groups like Marvel and DC superheroes, Christians could use a bit more cool points and less on-the-nose lessons.

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