At least, that’s what Brittney Moses thinks. This LA native has dedicated her life to transforming the way her generation thinks about mental health. She’s working on her thesis at UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior and in the meantime, hosting a terrific podcast on the subject in addition to her website, which has all kinds of great resources. We’ve talked to her before here at RELEVANT, but wanted to get her thoughts on how people in the middle of their quarterlife should be thinking about mental health, and how to be more intentional about it.

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

What are some of the big misconceptions are about getting a counselor or a therapist in your 20s? Where do people tend to go awry in their thinking there?

Thankfully, I do think that this generation is a lot more open about therapy than previous generations and I think that social media has a lot to do with that. I think people now brag about having a therapist, which is actually pretty cool.

But there still can be some stigma out there. I know for me, personally, at that time, I was a newly single mom and trying to navigate going back to school and working. I had just gotten so used to figuring things out on my own that when you’re struggling with your mental health, when you’re dealing with depression or anxiety, you’re just kind of barely surviving. You feel like, “This is my problem. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my issue. I’m going to try to figure this out on my own.” And so if there was one thing I could tell myself in my early twenties, it would be that it’s never too early to get help, if you can.

Something that has been difficult, at least for me, is getting sort of paralyzed by options out there. There are so many people offering mental health services and you don’t necessarily have a metric for knowing when someone is a good fit for you or not. It can make it tough to know where to begin or if you’re really getting the best possible experience with counseling.

I relate looking for a therapist or to dating. You’re looking around, you know what fits, right?

One thing I want to tell people is to at first: Give it a little bit of time. In the beginning of having therapy services or a health care provider, you’re building a relationship. There’s a lot of intake where the therapist is just trying to get to know what is fully going on with you and do an assessment. So I would give it that time. Sometimes in therapy, it can feel worse before it gets better. You’re unearthing things that you haven’t really talked about before. It’s getting a little uncomfortable. That’s completely normal.

But there are some checkboxes for when you’re going into therapy. They should definitely be doing an assessment, asking what your symptoms over the past few years have been? What are your goals? That’s the thing that makes the difference between going to therapy and say, talking to your friend.

I know we like to say that our friends are our therapy and, sure, they’re probably supportive, but they’re likely not trained. And the difference is that a therapist is going to do an assessment with you. They’re going to help try to come up with goals with you that you want to work towards and provide evidence-based treatments — like cognitive behavioral therapy or some type of trauma-informed therapy — to help work on where you should start seeing some solutions. You should start feeling some relief in your life.

I also think that there’s still this idea out there that therapy is for when you have a problem. It’s like taking a car into the shop. You don’t call a mechanic when the car’s working fine. I think most younger generations understand that therapy is an option, but it’s not one they pursue until they’re actively struggling to the point where it’s creating real problems in their life.

This does apply for a lot of people who might consider themselves high functioning. It’s like, “We’re doing pretty decent. We might not have super low lows or be deep into the spectrum of different mental health challenges.” However, as long as you’re having a human experience, you’re going through things in life that are shaping you. You’re being faced with obstacles, with fears, even with messages that we internalize. Whether it’s on social media, about ourselves, about the world around us. And having someone to walk through that with you is a really beautiful thing.

I see a therapist biweekly. And sometimes I have really great weeks and I still check in with my therapist. It’s so great to have someone there who celebrates the small victories with you that you overlook. A lot of times, we think about mental health if it falls a lot into bad things like depression or anxiety. But another part of intuitive wisdom is saying, “Okay, what’s working in my life and why are those things working? How can I improve on those things? Or maybe I should keep doing those things because they’re working.” That’s another positive aspect. Therapy doesn’t have to be all negative. You don’t have to be in a crisis to have someone in your corner.

Two more quick questions and the first one is about resources. A lot of us don’t have a lot of them and mental health can be expensive. What are the options for someone who values mental health but doesn’t know if they can afford it?

There are definitely some like community grassroots options. For example, NAMI — the National Alliance of Mental Illness. I’m a Certified Recovery Support Group Facilitator there. They usually are planted in different cities throughout the country and they have support groups that are free. There’s also the National Crisis Text Line where you can text “home” to 741741. That was circulating a lot during the pandemic because a lot of people were struggling. I’ve been a trained crisis counselor on that line. And the people are wonderful, nonjudgmental. You don’t have to be suicidal. Any type of crisis that you’re going through, you can text in to check in with them.

As far as getting started seeing a therapist, if you don’t have insurance, I encourage checking out healthcare.gov to see if you can apply for some type of state or government insurance that should also cover mental health care. You can also go to your primary physician and be referred to a behavioral health specialist or therapist within that network. Those are some places to start. And especially, if you’re in college or you’re part of a program, they usually have some type of counseling services on campus that are included in your student services. So definitely check that out. They usually give you a certain amount of sessions per quarter or semester. And then if you need more help, they will refer you out word. So these are all different places to start.

Last question. Should Christians be seeking out Christian counselors? Is there a benefit to that?

There definitely are some benefits. I just had a conversation with Dr. Holly Oxhandler. She is a part of the Baylor social work program and she’s done some research in that area. They did find that when people’s faith was included in their therapeutic services, they tend to get better, faster.

So it definitely is  important for therapists to be asking about what your belief system is and what you believe and try to integrate that in some way. Or what helps you, what are positive coping faith statements that help you or practices and encouraging that? I think it’s really important for sure, if you can have it.

However, any competent therapist should be able to help you regardless of their faith background. They are not there to push their beliefs on you. That would be unethical at a therapy session. And they can still provide you with evidence-based therapies for anxiety, depression, bipolar or schizophrenia, or whatever it is to help you feel better.

I always advocate mental health as a system of support. It’s a toolkit, right? Sometimes we want to find everything in one person, kind of like dating. We want that one person to be everything.

But the truth is that even when it comes to mental health, you have your faith community. That’s really important for that social support and building your faith in that spiritual development. And then you have your therapist. And if you’re lucky enough and you found someone who can integrate both, that’s beautiful. But at the same time, they can still have the resources and tools to help alleviate those mental health challenges. And then maybe it’s getting outside and having movement. Trying to have a nutritious diet. All of these things are working together. So I encourage people to look at mental health care more as part of a toolkit and a system of support instead of trying to find all things in one person.

Gen Z — emerging adults and adolescents born between the years 1997 and 2012 — is the first generation to grow up surrounded by smart devices. You Gen Z’ers use social media around four hours a day and realize it’s bad for you. You’re also at risk for mental illness — though of course, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of that.

And if you’re one of these young digital natives struggling to attain mental health and choose to turn to the internet for help, you will find apparently endless resources offering you conflicting and possibly unhelpful information. You will encounter page after page of possible diagnoses, complemented by hundreds of internet personalities trying to sell you a solution to the problem you think you might have.

In fact, there are strong links between precisely this relentless froth of information and mental illness itself.

Smartphone saturation and heavy social media use have diminished attention spans, increased body dysmorphia and depression, weakened in-person social skills and blurred the boundaries of our identities. Smartphones even disrupt our sleep. And all of us, without regard to age, are bombarded with news around the clock — much of it bad!

The same place many of you would seek answers is the very place where you could be the most deeply harmed. It can be discouraging and lonesome to try and heal alone, adrift in a sea of meaningless and contradictory digital noise.

In addition, mental health, just like mental illness, is a complicated and deeply personal phenomenon. None of the labels the internet might offer you can adequately describe any person’s mental illness or help people attain mental health without the relationships, stability, professional insight, and emotional integration humans need to truly flourish — particularly during adversity.

And your generational cohort has a lot to contend with at the moment.

You’re facing one of the most important transitions of your life, from childhood to adulthood. But you’re navigating it while burdened with more digital access than your still-developing brain could effectively handle. It’s natural to become anxious, lonely, depressed. Maladaptive coping behaviors often emerge.

Don’t blame yourself. You’re stuck trying to survive when you should be learning to thrive. Healthy, mentor-like relationships can help.

A recent Young Life study underscored the felt urgency of this need: Gen Z as a whole still values close relationships and face-to-face interactions above digitally centric ones. You’re digital natives, certainly, but you are still human. You need and want guidance, love, and security every bit as much or more than you did as children. Sometimes other generations need to be reminded of this, though I doubt you do.

After all, we humans need, and have always needed, healthy relationships to help us discover and understand ourselves. Gen Z is no exception — and the internet is no surrogate for community. The internet offers complexity and diversity where simplicity would serve us much better, at least to start.

Take the gendered differences we can observe in the expression of mental illness as an example. Men and boys tend to struggle with mental illness with externalizing types of behavior: Anger, aggression, and the like. Women and girls, on the other hand, tend to struggle with mental illness with more internalization; they withdraw, and become anxious and overly scrupulous.

But scrolling through even hundreds of articles on the internet can’t really help you dissect your mental health. The articles and research we often read as a form of diagnostic care don’t even account for things as simple as effective stress relief, let alone as complex as family dynamics, trauma, community stability, and innate talent or predisposition. So we can’t start with the internet when we want to heal.

We have to start by reaching out to those nearest and most important to us. We need to reflect on ourselves, as we are right here and now. More specifically, we can cultivate the trust, transparency, time, and talent we may or may not already have in our lives.

Cultivate authentic relationships with older mentors. Foster openness and genuine concern, in yourself and in your most important relationships. Allow yourself to trust people who are worthy of it.

Commit to transparent communication. Share your life experiences — both triumphs and challenges — no matter how difficult it might seem at first. Through transparency, you will develop both a richer community and greater self-awareness.

Invest your time in things that will nourish and support you. Don’t let distractions steal your days. Deliberately spend time with people and things that uplift, guide, and improve your heart and mind. Defend this time fiercely, no matter how easy it might seem to give it up in favor of work or distraction.

Learn how to accept yourself — particularly your talents. Learn to acknowledge, value, and nurture your unique talents and gifts. Seek out and rely on mentors who will provide opportunities for growth, development, and realization of your capabilities.

These four elements of trust, time, transparency, and talent will look completely different from one person to another. We’ve been made marvelously and each of us placed in different circumstances, with different adversities and advantages to contend with.

That’s why there are as many ways to find mental wholeness and healing as there are people. God made us unique, and He delights in our differences. He calls each of us to an unrepeatable journey of suffering, healing, grief, and joy.

Life is uncertain. You can feel uncertain about how God will show up. But you can be certain He always will.

Find the well-being and health He made you for through purposeful relationships and mentorship rooted in Christ.

Dr. Julie Yonker is a psychology professor and the public health program director at Calvin University in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

That’s how rapper KB views therapy. As a self-described “pro-therapy advocate,” KB understands first-hand how privileged he is to have a good therapist in his life. Someone who can help him work through all the big and small issues in life, which he opens up about on his album His Glory Alone 2.

On The RELEVANT Podcast, KB shared how important therapy is to him, and why he hopes therapy becomes more accessible to those in need.

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity. 

What are some of the things that you go into in your personal life on this album? 

KB: I think one of the big pieces is I talk about is wrestling with being a father and who has been fatherless. I’m wrestling with that dynamic. You know, you’re always the same age on the inside. There are things that I went through — let’s call them daddy wounds — that I would have thought that I was above, especially being a father. I started feeling like, “I don’t need a father, I am a father.” But there’s still a child inside of you that went through something that is still animating. Many of the ways you feel, or some of the actions you might find yourself kind of carrying out, those things need to be brought to the feet of Jesus.

But they don’t get there unless we talk about them. So I think that’s one of the main ways where I get vulnerable about the limitations and the challenges of my story.

How have you personally process the difficulties you’ve faced?

I think that a continual kind of challenge for me is not becoming over reliant on my abilities — my ability to be spiritual, my ability to be insightful, my ability to be smart or to read and articulate what they’re saying. Even my ability to manage relationships and manage people. It’s very easy to get very confident in those things and then find that you are not in control. The older you get, the more you learn of how not in control you are. Especially when your body is breaking down without warning.

Control is a myth. For me, I am taking that truth that I am not in control, I can’t control things. I am dependent in a lot of ways. One of those dependencies that I am unashamed of is on community, on the council of godly friends and a good therapist. I have consumed my life in those realities — community friendships, spiritual advisory from shepherds and leaders, and good therapy.

I thought about this the other day, that it’s a privilege to be able to have that. Part of it is worked on, right? A community, you have to earn that to some degree. A lot of long years of working and walking through stuff with people. It gives you a rich, rich friendships. But as I think about the ability to pick up the phone and call three or four people who are invested in me personally, not everybody has that.

It’s the same thing with therapy. If your insurance doesn’t pay that, you’re out of pocket. It’s expensive. And I realize that I don’t know where I would be without those things, but there’s so many people who are walking through this stuff alone. They’re hurting like anyone else would be. So as I’m talking about these things, I’m having to do with my hat in hand and seeing that the Lord has been very, very gracious to allow me these resources.

But I want to be an advocate for churches, for our government, for insurance companies, to see the seriousness of being able to support doctors of the soul, as well as doctors of the body.

Why do you feel like men struggle more with going to therapy?

I think men have been socialized to not be in touch with their emotions. I think a part of the socialization in our country is, you know, from misogyny to toxic masculinity, all of those buzzwords are all intersected into a man’s experience in this land.

I think when we say stuff like “women are emotional and men are rational,” you don’t give great thought to some of the most emotionally regulated people that I know are women, and some of the most unregulated, uncontrolled people are men. I haven’t heard of many women who someone stepped on their heels and they shot the woman or the person that did it. You hear what I’m saying?

Dealing with the inner expressways and highways of our emotions is something that we see that women do. We handle our issues with just sucking it up or putting up our fists — metaphorically or literally. That’s a massive mistake, and men are falling behind in dramatic ways, largely to do with the ways in which we have not valued what is going on inside of our souls and how the society also doesn’t value it. You’re not encouraged to take days off to get some mental health together, or you’re not supported in the event that there’s a major change in your life.

It is our men that are walking in the schools and shooting them up in the public places. It is our men who are taking their own lives at a rate that has exceeded all the major wars in modern history put together. You put all the deaths of men from the major wars, the AIDS epidemic — you put all that together, and men are taking their own lives at higher rates than all of that.

That is an issue of mental health. It’s a crisis that we have to be serious about approaching. Men especially, we have to be serious about our mental health. I appreciate men who we see traditionally as strong, athletes or fighters or leaders, who are publicly saying, “Hey, the most courageous thing that I’ve done all year is that I look my wife in my face and said, ‘I need help.'” That’s courage. That’s manliness. That is strength.

What what are some of the differences you’ve noticed in your life since you’ve gone to therapy?

I think the things that we need in this life are largely for emotional stability and they largely stem from communication. Violence, for example, is a language. It’s a way that, especially for men, that can help you understand what it is that I am feeling on the inside. It’s a mode of communication. Being able to identify what is happening in your heart with a term is so helpful. Whether it’s abandonment or imposter syndrome or ego or narcissism or narcissistic, being able to have categories from empirical data from human behavior that’s been studied over the years so you can put a name on a wound.

To put it in perspective, my mom has several conditions, and for years we could not figure out what it was. I remember the day that we got a diagnosis we rejoiced. We praised God, because now we know what we’re aiming at. Now we know what we are going after.

The internal workings of the soul are similar in the ways that you’ve been injured. You need to know what part of your soul has been injured because that drives our behavior. That’s been helpful for me, because as I’ve been able to name my own wounds, I’ve been able to communicate what it is that I am feeling, and then get tools to work through those things, to push back on those things, to help correct those things.

I don’t think it’s just therapists that do that, but it’s what pastors are for, spiritual leaders are for, community is for. It’s people bringing their kind of perspective, their means of communication to the table, and us finding a way to basically reach those wounds through the tools we’re learning from this arsenal of wisdom and therapy.

“I was reading a book, interesting book, called A Profession Without Reason,” MacArthur said. “It’s a book that shows, basically, this is pretty shocking to some of you, that psychiatry and psychology is finally admitting the noble lies that they’ve been telling for the last 100 years.

“And the major noble lie is there is such a thing as mental illness,” he continued. “Now, this isn’t new. You have Thomas Szasz … writing a book, who was a psychiatrist, on The Myth of Mental Illness. There’s no such thing as PTSD. There’s no such thing as OCD. There’s no such thing as ADHD. Those are noble lies to basically give the excuse to, at the end of the day, to medicate people. And Big Pharma is in charge of a lot of that.”

Current data shows that more than one in five U.S. adults do, in fact, live with a mental illness, and I am one of those adults. I didn’t want to admit it, because I was afraid that people’s response would be much like MacArthur’s. I feared people would question my faith, or worse accuse me of not trusting God enough or tell me that worry is a sin, so I should just stop worrying.

Because I believed for so long that anytime I told someone I had been feeling numb, lonely or depressed, they would accuse me of not praying enough, reading the Bible enough or applying it correctly.

But it isn’t true. Mental health issues happen to everyday people — even to believers who are strong in faith and have friends.

The worst part of working through my fear was the sense of shame some Christians made me feel about my emotional struggles. As I discovered how God views healing, however, I realized it wasn’t my faith that was flawed; it was their views toward mental health and faith.

Today, I’d like to bust some of those myths and share the truths that transformed my journey of healing into beauty and meaning.

Google and the Anonymity of Pain

Three years ago, Google began addressing the U.S. depression epidemic by implementing a new feature to users who search for “depression” or “clinical depression” by offering a questionnaire, so you can “check if you’re clinically depressed,” to determine whether to seek professional help.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one in five people suffer from depression. Think about it. Whether you’re sitting in a small group, at church, laughing with friends on Friday night, odds are you or a friend are suffering emotional pain, even if they appear happy, sociable and capable. It happens in ministry, too, whether you’re a pastor, missionary or youth leader.

Google developed this tool to help users ask questions about mental health in anonymity, without the stigma or shame of talking with a doctor or someone they know.

But this isn’t the way it ought to be among people of faith, who Jesus calls us to love one another the way He loves us: unconditionally. We are called to be known. But how can we light to the world, if we can’t be light to each other?

I know it’s easier to hide because I once struggled with anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia.  I didn’t want anyone to think I was broken, so I kept quiet and prayed it would go away. But God wanted to heal me, not shame me.

Emotional Trauma: Social and Christian Stigma

Out of the blue, during the happiest chapter in my life—being a Christian author; happily in love and married with two boys; someone who grew up an optimist in a single-parent family; putting myself through college; loving God, coffee, inductive Bible Studies, friends and ministry—I suddenly started having panic attacks and debilitating insomnia. And I didn’t know why.

It turns out because I was now grown up and safe, all the painful things I experienced as a child began to surface. Not because my faith was faulty, but because God loved me and it was time to heal what I overcame in the past. My post-traumatic stress disorder therapist told me that a soldier doesn’t experience trauma when he’s brave and fighting on the battlefield. A soldier only experiences panic attacks when he’s finally home—when he is safe to face what was too difficult to process at the time.

It’s actually God’s way of protecting us when hurt, fear or loss is too overwhelming. Our healthy nervous system, designed by God to automatically shield us in the moment, compartmentalizes pain for us, so we can get through hard things—temporarily.

Except I was confused. PTSD from childhood trauma? I never experienced physical abuse and I’d never been to Iraq or Afghanistan. How can I have PTSD?

What my therapist said next stopped me in my tracks: “Did you know emotional abuse has the same impact as physical abuse? You need to heal from Emotional PTSD.”

It is tough enough combatting the stigma of mental health in a culture that prides itself on entrepreneurship, self-reliance and curating Instagram-perfect lifestyles. But as a Christian, it was even worse. Speaking up about the emotional pain I once survived or was enduring, I ran into a lie often perpetuated in our church culture about mental health and spiritual fitness: If you’re feeling emotionally broken, your faith is weak or broken.

It’s the opposite. Healing parts of your heart that you’ve once put to the side—whether to survive, to be strong, to avoid pain or take care of others—may be the most powerful act of faith, that God is calling you to make today.

What Keeps You Silent?

So, where is the Church’s voice on mental health—other than simplistic Sunday School answers, guilt or silence? Because the Church is often slow to address realities that the culture is first to voice—whether through arts, film, music and, unfortunately, through stories of pain and tragedy in the news. It’s up to us, the regular, everyday people in the trenches of real life to speak the truth and tell our stories about the work God’s doing in our lives and what He’s saying to us through the Scriptures.

Because the truth is, you and I are the Church.

In that spirit, here are the top five myths and truths I’ve uncovered in my books about my journey to find rest, practice soul care and experience the peace and joy that comes from healing.

5 Myths and Truths About Mental Health and Spiritual Fitness

1. Myth: Jesus commanded us, “Do not worry.” If you worry, you are sinning.

Truth: Jesus was encouraging us. There is no need to worry about money.

In Matthew 6:25, Jesus was not issuing a command that makes worry an act of sin when he said, “Therefore, do not worry.” Jesus was giving us the reason why “You cannot serve God and money” in the previous verse. He was giving us encouragement not to worry about money because God will provide for us, like the birds of the air and flowers in the field.

So, be at peace. God understands why you worry. He loves you. He is the God of comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles (2 Corinthians 1:4).

2. Myth: Trust God and you’ll have peace and joy. If you don’t have peace or joy, then you’re not trusting God enough.

Truth: Emotional honesty is an intimate act of trusting God with your real self, instead of hiding how you feel or trying to do or be more.

 Jesus says, “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:28

Notice Jesus doesn’t say, “Come to me strong, cheerful, calm and untroubled.”

It’s the opposite. We’re invited to come to him weary—whether confused, numb, anxious, angry or stressed. Jesus tells us to simply come, as we are. Imperfectly His.

3.  Myth: If you read God’s word more, pray more, praise more, give thanks more, rejoice more, etc.—you will have peace that surpasses all understanding.

Truth: Faith is not emotional amnesia. Faith gives us courage to face the brokenness of life and heal from the losses we’ve suffered.

Jesus Himself obeyed, prayed, praised and gave thanks perfectly. Yet He suffered emotional trauma, overwhelmed by impending physical and emotional abuse, abandonment and betrayal: “My soul is deeply troubled, overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Going a little farther, He fell to the ground …” – Mark 14:34, 35

When the apostle Paul encourages us not to be anxious, but to pray, give thanks and present our requests (Philippians 4:5, 6), he was encouraging us to experience the peace of taking our problems to God, rather than finding peace in our ability to solve them with our own understanding. This wasn’t meant to indict us for experiencing anxiety.

4. Myth: The Bible says forget the past and focus on what’s ahead.

Truth: God remembers the moments that break us. We go back to heal our past with Jesus, to experience His love intimately and recover all parts of our hearts with Him.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” – Psalm 56:8

When the Apostle Paul said, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,” he wasn’t talking about erasing his past. Read Philippians 3. You’ll discover he was referring to forgetting his old way of life as a Pharisee, focusing his worth on how things appeared and spiritual performance. Paul was focused on knowing Jesus intimately and sharing in “His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death.”

5. Myth: You don’t need a therapist. You just need Jesus and God’s Word.

Truth:  If you look at most instances of healing in Scripture, someone had to step out in faith and take action to go somewhere, see someone or ask for something. 

If you’ve been hurt, you deserve to take care of yourself now that you’re safe to heal with Jesus. God’s words will give you strength to heal and investigate your emotional wounds. Just like God uses skilled doctors to help us heal from physical wounds, God uses psychologists to help us heal our nervous system and process memories that once wounded you, so that you’re free to sleep, rest and access all parts of your heart and your story.

You story is worth remembering. You are worth valuing.

Be curious. Let God love you. Take the intimate journey of healing.

You’ll be amazed by the beauty and be transformed by it.

According to a new Gallup poll, 73% of Gen Z said they are either very (25%) or somewhat (48%) happy right now. That’s pretty startling considering reports over the last few years show that Gen Z has struggled with mental health more than any other generation. However, despite fluctuating mental health on top of a global pandemic, socioeconomic instability, etc., it seems that a majority of Gen Z has figured out how to find happiness.

So, what exactly drives happiness among Gen Z?

The study points to a crucial factor: purpose. Gen Zers who report being happy consistently said they were engaging daily in something interesting that made their life feel meaningful in some way. Sixty percent of happy Gen Zers said that they participate in an interesting hobby or activity every day, compared to a mere 28% of those who don’t consider themselves happy.

Closely tied to happiness is the sense of significance and direction in life. Three out of four Gen Z said they feel like their life matters, while around half said they have a clear sense of direction. The data underscores the crucial connection between finding work or school activities meaningful and feeling that life has purpose and direction.

The bottom line is clear: engaging in daily activities that make life meaningful is pivotal to Gen Z’s happiness. Additionally, the study identifies adequate sleep and relaxation as strong predictors of overall happiness.

And that’s something that all generations should keep in mind.

I told myself that I didn’t need to give up alcohol, I just needed to change my relationship with it and set healthier boundaries. But like many unhealthy relationships, the boundaries kept being broken.

I have now officially broken up with alcohol, and I am so happy about it! I would have once thought it unfathomable to imagine life without alcohol in it. I truly couldn’t wrap my mind around it. No social lubricant at parties and events? No visiting wineries and breweries and going out for drinks with friends? No relaxing buzz to unwind at the end of the day? What kind of a life is that?

As it turns out, it’s a pretty great one. An even better life than I lived when I was in a relationship with alcohol (and I’ll share more on that later).

It may seem weird to talk about alcohol in relational terms, but it really was a relationship for me.  Because alcohol had been there for me through some of the hardest times of my life. Alcohol comforted me. It was how I coped. It was a reliable part of my daily routine.

I doubt anyone even realized I had a problem. For a long time, I didn’t even realize I had a problem. Because it kind of seemed normal. A drinking problem is very easy to hide in plain sight these days. It may be right there beneath the wine o’clock hashtags and the “mommy’s sippy cup” memes. And I didn’t really get drunk so how could I have a problem?

I honestly cannot pinpoint when exactly it happened – when my drinking came to be too much or when the dependence on alcohol began. I think it was a very slow and steady progression. What started as an occasional glass or two of wine at the end of the day or with friends eventually turned into a glass of wine every night. My “victory lap” I would call it, after a long day of parenting. That glass of wine eventually turned into two, eventually turned into three, and eventually transpired into four glasses – an entire bottle of wine each day. Sometimes I felt a little inkling that perhaps that was too much and I really needed to cut back. But my tolerance had gotten pretty high and I needed more wine to feel the buzz that I was looking for. That buzz was what I believed got me through this consuming season of having young children. It was what calmed my nerves and relieved my stress. I looked forward to it every single day and counted down the hours until I could feel the wine work its magic through my body.

But I started to find that drinking was taking up a lot of space in my thought life. I would wonder how early was too early to have a glass of wine. I would come home from work in the afternoon and pour a glass telling myself, “A lot of people do this. It’s been a hard day at work and the kids are coming home soon, I’m just going to unwind for a bit.” Except that it often wasn’t just one glass. I always want more. Often I would sort of sneak a second glass – but I would pour it before my first glass was gone so that I could tell myself it wasn’t really two glasses – it was one and a half. Then when it came time to start cooking dinner, I would pour another glass of wine because it’s relaxing to have a glass of wine while cooking, and that’s what a lot of normal people do.  But then it would come time for dinner, and I needed a glass of wine to pair with whatever meal I had crafted! That’s just a normal, regular person thing to do, right?  But then we would put the kids to bed, and well at that point it was time for TV and my “victory lap” glass (or two) of wine.

One of the things that stands out the most to me here was the constant conversation I was having with myself about this, to try and justify it and talk myself into believing there was no problem. I was always looking for excuses and opportunities to drink.

It was Memorial Day 2019 that ushered me to the point where I would finally confront this reality. We had friends over and I had a steady stream of drinks throughout the day. It was the best excuse I could hope for.  And I wasn’t hiding anything!

By the end of the night, I found myself sitting on the couch googling, “Am I an alcoholic?”  Several things that popped up said something along the lines of, “If you are asking if you are an alcoholic, then you probably are.” Same with “Do I have a drinking problem?” I found something that said “People who don’t have a drinking problem don’t wonder if they have a drinking problem.”  Hmm… makes sense.

The next day I talked to my husband about it. He admitted that there were times he felt like perhaps I was drinking a bit too frequently. But he had no idea it had gotten to the point that it had. Mostly because I had become great at hiding it. I was the master of pouring just a little more, and then just a little more, and then just a little more – whenever he wasn’t looking or was in the bathroom or had gone upstairs to get something.  And he doesn’t drink wine, so it’s not like he was paying close attention to what wine we had in the house and how much of it was missing. I had also become the master of hiding empty wine bottles in the bottom of the recycling bin.

These seemingly small behaviors started adding up and began sounding out a siren in my subconscious. But I had gotten into the habit of minimizing it in my mind and deceiving myself. I would tell myself that since Jordan isn’t a wine drinker, he just doesn’t understand my tolerance level being high. I thought, “I can’t let him see this because he doesn’t get it. I’m completely fine, but he might worry.” Again, I thought it was normal. Especially when I am surrounded by a world that laughs about this and just says, “cheers!”

After talking to my husband, I got into counseling. At first, we tried putting boundaries around alcohol for me. I could only have a couple of drinks a month, and only with other people. Well it didn’t take long for me to drop the “only a couple of drinks a month” part and decide that as long as I was drinking with other people, I would be fine. This introvert became very social that month! I found myself searching for and creating opportunities to get together with people where wine would be involved, as often as I could. And I would tell myself I would only have one glass, but then I would have two. Instead of seeing that as concerning, I felt celebratory because it was less than I used to drink, and I wasn’t drinking every day. “See! I don’t have a problem!” I thought. Until my therapist pointed out that it was problematic that I couldn’t stick to my original boundary of only two drinks per month.

So, not quite willing to say a full goodbye to wine yet, I set a new boundary. Only ONE glass of wine, ONCE a month.

We had friends over. I opened a bottle of rosé, “Only one glass. Only one glass. Only one glass.” It was like a quiet chant in my head as we sat outside at the dinner table. I was wrestling in my mind because I wanted another glass so badly but I wanted to prove to myself that I could stick to my boundary this time and that I didn’t have an alcohol addiction. At one point during the dinner, I got up to use the bathroom. When I had come back out, I realized (with absolute glee) that someone had refilled my glass while I was gone. Loophole!  If someone else poured more wine for me and it was not my choice and I didn’t ask for it, then wasn’t I off the hook? I was elated. Until I had to tell my therapist about it.

“My biggest concern,” my therapist said, “is what will happen when tragedy or trauma hit? If wine is what you turn to, how bad might your drinking get when that awful thing happens?”

It can be tricky to recognize addiction in the time we currently live in because the indicators that point to a problem are viewed as culturally acceptable. When you think of alcohol addiction, you may picture someone with a brown paper bag in their hands who misses work while they are passed out on the couch.  But the truth is that alcohol addiction may not look like that at all. It may look like functioning normally throughout the day and then pouring a drink, and then a little more, and then a little more, and then a little more in order to numb pain, cope with stress, and self-medicate.

I’ve started thinking about alcoholism as being like cancer, in a way. One person might be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer while another person is diagnosed with stage 1 cancer. What that cancer looks like is going to be different for each of those two people. But it’s still cancer.  Though it may not look like much of a big of a deal at stage 1, it is a progressive disease. So you treat it, immediately.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It only gets worse and it always gets worse. 

When I was finally willing to acknowledge the red flags in my life, I decided I needed to treat it, immediately.  I started feeling weighed down by the hold that drinking had on me and I wanted it gone. I didn’t want this to end up ruining my life one day. 

This new alcohol-free life can be tricky for me to navigate, especially because alcohol is a huge part of our culture, even in the Christian community. Much of my social life and many of the activities I participated in included alcohol. I don’t know yet quite how to navigate it.

What I do know is that I have been experiencing something amazing in this new dry life I am living, and it is way better than drinking alcohol. Though I struggled with the idea of losing wine at first, I’ve found something better on the other side. It feels like I am waking up!  It’s like I’ve been asleep for awhile. Asleep to fear and pain, but also asleep to my dreams and desires.  Alcohol does deliver when it comes to numbing the hard stuff in life, but it also numbs the good. It turns out I was missing out on a lot of good.

I’ve found that really feeling all of life – even the hard stuff – actually feels better than medicating it. I’ve found that pulling up that pain from my past and dealing with it is the only way to experience healing and freedom and move forward in a productive way. I’ve found that soaking up my time with my kids – even on the most chaotic of days – feels way better than just counting down to escaping the exhaustion of it. I’ve found strength. 

I don’t “need” alcohol in order to do the hard things I am called to in life – I can actually just do the hard things!  I’ve found that exploring more of who I am and what I want is fun and freeing, and alcohol was inhibiting that for me.  I’ve found that healthy ways of relaxing – a warm bath, lavender oil, a walk outside, an early bedtime, reading in blankets, siting by a fireplace, drinking warm tea – these things all feel so much better than drinking alcohol (especially the morning after). I sleep better. I feel better. I am a better wife and mother. I am happier. Sometimes I am sad, but I am no longer afraid of that sadness. I let myself feel it, ride it like a wave, and then I keep moving. And that movement suddenly feels lighter.

It turns out I really love not drinking!

I love this excerpt from “What Being Sober Has Meant to Me” by Brene Brown:

Ten years after I got sober, my spiritual awakening started. In addition to not drinking, I had just quit sugar and bread for the first time. I thought I was going to come out of my skin. I sat across from my therapist, Diana, and said, “You need to give me something for my anxiety. I can’t take it. There’s nothing to take the edge off anymore. I’m freaking out.”

Diana calmly replied, “What do you want me to give you?”

Infuriated by her calmness, I said, “I don’t know! Medicine. Something for the anxiety! I’m like a turtle without a shell. I have NO SHELL! No booze, no muffins, nothing! I’m a turtle without a shell in a briar patch. Everything in the briar patch is poking me and jabbing me. It hurts.”

She said, “Maybe we should talk about getting out of the briar patch?”

I was pissed. “Get out of the […] briar patch? That’s your advice? Instead of giving me a new shell, you want me to live somewhere less prickly? Seriously?”

Diana said, “You don’t need to find a different place to live. Maybe we could just think about a different way to live. One that doesn’t require that heavy shell.”

This idea of a turtle shell and a briar patch has been incredibly helpful for me. Wine was my shell shielding me from prickles and thorns, but I had never considered the fact that perhaps I could remove the thorns, or find a different way that doesn’t require the “heavy shell.”

Ultimately, I’ve surrendered my shell to God and have told Him that I trust Him with my life instead. I trust that He will remove the thorns that need to be removed — and for the ones He doesn’t? He will shield me through them. He provides a different way to live. I was looking to wine to serve the role in my life that only God can. And now that I’ve given that role back to God? I can honestly say that no wine tastes as good as sobriety feels.

I listened to a prayer recently that said, “God, restore my union with You. I was made for union with You. I love You. Restore my union with You.” I love that. It has become my primary prayer, every single day. When I experience a restored union with God, everything else seems to fall into its rightful place. I don’t need wine when I am restored in my union with my creator. What a poor substitution wine made for God! He is far sweeter and stronger than the finest wine in the world.

That’s a perception Dr. Caroline Leaf hopes to change. She’s a cognitive neuroscientist who’s been researching the connections between our minds, our brains and our bodies for almost 40 years, and she’s been using her studies to teach people how to manage their minds and organize their “mental messes.”

Dr. Leaf recently spoke about her research and how she has “spent these years working out how to capture thoughts or bring those thoughts into captivity and renew our minds, using all the science that God has given us.”

This talk has been edited for length and clarity. 

In your opinion, how do mental health and faith connect?

So science comes from the word scientia which means knowledge, and God is the source of all knowledge. So science and spirituality are important in understanding how we function, but are also two sides of the same coin. My focus has been on mental health. How can we manage our mental health?

A few little points that are really amazing to understand: All of us, since the beginning of time, have been battling with our mental health. Anxiety, depression, frustration, irritation, even the severe stuff like psychotic breaks, and disassociation and extreme states of mood swings. All these things are responses to the adverse circumstances of life. We all battle with these to varying degrees. And sometimes in our life, things are worse than at other times.

So mental health is not just affecting a few people. It’s affecting 100 percent of us. And what we need to realize is that it’s OK to be battling, but we need to know how to manage that battle and how to work together as a community to support each other.

It seems like anxiety and depression are more prevalent than ever these days. Why do you think that is, and what can be done about it?

We know that prior to the pandemic, extreme anxiety was affecting about 30 percent of the population. That has tripled since the pandemic. People are responding to the adverse circumstance of the pandemic with the warning symptom of anxiety. Anxiety and depression are not brain illnesses. They are not neuropsychiatric brain diseases. They are warning symptoms, signals telling us that we need to find out and sort out the root cause and find a way of coping.

The way I explain this is that we need to embrace our warning signals and see them as helpful messengers. And when we do that, we can then deconstruct and reconstruct our thought patterns. In other words, change the wiring of our brain with our mind in order to be able to cope, in order to be able to manage this, in order to be able to change how the past has played out into our future.

We can’t change the past. We can’t change the trauma. But we also can’t suppress it because these are real experiences. And we need to be able to manage them. We need to be able to capture those thoughts that are producing the signals, find the origin source, and then reconceptualize them into something that we can manage. It takes a little bit of time. Mind management takes a bit of skill and development, but that’s why I do what I do.

And remember, you are not your brain. You control your brain. Your brain is part of your physical body.

Your brain and body collectively make up around about one to ten percent of who you are. Your mind makes up the other 90 to 99 percent of who you are. So your mind and your brain are different, but they work together. And there is an absolute, incredible connection that happens when the mind and the brain work together.

Your mind could be seen as your aliveness: our ability to listen, to think and feel and choose. The ability to experience life as you wake up in the morning, and as we go through the day, all the way through the day, till we go to sleep again, we are in the environment of life being impacted by the events and circumstances and people of our life.

And that impact is absorbed by the mind and processed by the mind, into the brain and then the brain in response, processes all the signals that the mind has centered.

What are the first steps we can take to rewire our brains in the way you’re talking about? 

We store our memories in our brain, our body and our mind. When we re-experience things like trauma, we feel it coming through our body. So that is why there is memory in the body as well, and why we need to do work to get it out of our body too. So when we’re talking about capturing thoughts and renewing them, we are becoming detectives. We are literally learning to look at the patterns of anxiety, depression, panic attacks, frustration, a combination of the above. We are designed to be able to look at that.

We get these prompts from our wise mind. Our wise mind is this inner core made in God’s image, where we know what we should be doing. We recognize that there’s a better way. We don’t always know the details, but as we tune in, as we stand back and observe our own thinking and tune in to our inner wisdom, we can then look at these signals and patterns in our life for what they are. They are messengers. They are your brain and your body trying to tell you: “Hey, pay attention. Don’t suppress.” These are volcanic. There’s something going on.

So when you become a thought detective and you see all these anxiety and things like that as helpful messengers, you embrace them instead of suppressing them and pushing them away. When you embrace them, you shift the power balance, you get control. You stand back, you observe your own thinking.

And it’s not you alone. You also connected to the wisdom of God. So now, when you stand back and observe your own thinking, you’re stepping into the arms of love. You get kind with yourself, kind to yourself. You create this whole change in how you view this, which then shifts the 1,400 neurophysiological responses to work for you and not against you. And that increases your resilience and your ability to look at those signals.

You can rewire the brain, but in order to rewire the brain, you have to see the signals for what they are: Helpful messengers in my life that are telling me something. I pay attention. I stand back, I observe my own thinking. I tap into my messy mind. You’re in the arms of God. It’s a helpful messenger.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I shouldn’t. The average age women get married in the U.S. is 28, so I’m just north of that. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. But when I tell people at my church that I’m still single, I get a sense that everyone around me is pitying me in some way. I cannot express how many times I’ve been met with sympathetic eyes when I tell someone I’m not married or dating anyone right now.

Sometimes I feel like I’m wrong for feeling this way. I always thought I’d be married by 30, but my twenties took a few unexpected turns. I’m glad with where I ended up, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t hear a voice in the back of my head saying I should be married by now.

I also know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Society — and just to be clear, I’m talking predominantly western American society — has created a lie. This lie is that 30 is a warning beacon, telling women that: 1. You better get married soon, or it’ll never happen. 2. You better have kids soon, or it’ll never happen. But both those statements are simply lies. American women are getting married later. This is due to a number of factors: a main one being an increased focused on higher education for women, and a change in perception about marriage. One study puts it this way: Culturally, young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a “capstone” rather than a “cornerstone” — that is, something they do after they have all their other ducks in a row, rather than a foundation for launching into adulthood and parenthood.

In many ways, the thirties are the new twenties. But that doesn’t make it all better. Because no matter what age you are, some well-meaning and wonderful people will always pity you for being single. They’re thinking (and maybe saying), “Oh she’s so pretty and smart, how is she not married?! I know a guy …” And while I appreciate the sentiment behind what they’re expressing, the truth is, it makes me feel like I’m running out of time, which doesn’t help my growing frustration.

And it’s not just pity for not having a spouse. At times, I’ve felt not only pity but anxiety from my friends that I don’t have time let to have children. But again, they’re wrong, or at least somewhat misinformed. Because I’ve still got plenty of time to have a safe and healthy adoption or pregnancy. Yes, there are increased rates of complications for pregnancies, especially after 35. I know I can’t reprogram the biological clock. But to view 30 as a dropping-off point is to negate nearly a decade of childbearing years. Furthermore, any child I bring into my home, either by adoptive or biological means, is never anything less than a miracle in the first place—25 or 35, it’s all God. So if God knows the face of my child, I can trust I’ll know it as well.

Speaking of biological clocks ticking, sometimes I get the feeling that my friends’ concerns are that being older is a less desirable trait, and I’ll have a harder time finding someone. In those moments, I remind them that they’ve been roped into a youth-obsessed culture that fails to acknowledge the real beauty of women of all ages. Scripture tells me I am perfectly and wonderfully made — and not just in my twenties. There is nothing about me, my age or the extra little wrinkle on my forehead that will repel a good man.

Some days, all of this is easier to believe than others. Wise friends of mine who are single into their thirties, forties and fifties have shared that no matter how much knowledge they have about their relationship status, doubt can easily creep in. Truthfully, I’ve spent more time than I can to admit worrying that I’m not actually “marriage material.” Those thoughts quickly spiral into other ones like “something is wrong with me” or I’m somehow repelling possible suitors. If I don’t catch those thoughts quickly, I can start to believe that I’ve passed the beacon of viability for being loved.

Maybe you’ve had that thought before, too. Maybe you have that thought now. The point is, none of those thoughts are worth more than a moment. Take a step back and lean on God when those lies and accusations fill your mind. Remind yourself that you are wonderful, datable, loveable and (in all probability) nothing about who you are is preventing a good relationship.

What’s preventing it is, well, nothing. God isn’t sitting on a cloud, laughing and saying, “Interminable singleness for her! Nobody will ever love him!” He doesn’t work like that. What He is doing is crafting a narrative, and letting me in on it a step at a time, which means that right now, my job is to be obedient in doing the things He’s called me to today. Then, I trust that if God desires for me to be in a relationship, He’ll make that known. My age will not prevent Him from working.

There is no cutoff date for gifts from God. If He can make Abraham and Sarah parents at 90, there’s no reason to think I’m too old for a miracle of my own.

This is especially true in Gen Z adults, where a new report found that 60% of adults between the ages of 18 and 24 report feelings of loneliness. But it’s not just young adults. More broadly, the study found that 40% of all adults regularly go at least three days without a meaningful face-to-face interaction.

But even in social settings, people are having a hard time. 28% reported feeling lonely while attending a social event, and a quarter feel isolated in their workplace.

It’s a growing problem. As we reported last year, loneliness has been declared an official epidemic by Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, who reported that loneliness is as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

So if everyone is feeling lonely, why aren’t they changing that? Part of the problem stems from the hesitation to even talk about it. Only 14% of respondents said they “often” talk to others about their lonely feelings, while 62% believe there is still a negative stigma around the issue.

Levi Lusko, pastor of Fresh Life Church in Montana, knows this problem well. In his book Marvel at the Moon, Lusko explores how people can work through feelings of loneliness and anxiety to find true connection with others.

“Loneliness and anxiety is not just a current problem,” Lusko told RELEVANT. “We have to always remind ourselves to ground ourselves in true history. It’s a human problem. It’s always been a thing, but it is in our country, in our culture, something that we have the privilege of dealing with more and more because we are capable of being complicit in our own suffering. Technology and the modern age has allowed us to build lives where we don’t talk to people anymore.”

And keeping those feelings bottled up only leads to more issues. The study found that loneliness has a direct impact on confidence, anxiety levels and quality of sleep. Two in five (42%) said their sleep gets worse when they feel lonely, and 29 percent see themselves as less attractive.

The silver lining is that there is “a cure” for loneliness. Forty-three percent of respondents shared that something as simple as bonding over a shared interest with someone else would make them feel less alone, while a third said that being part of a community or group could also help decrease feelings of loneliness.

“Joining something like a small group or simply going to a bingo night can make a huge difference in dealing with loneliness,” Lusko said. “I think if you go to an environment where you have to interact with people, you’re not going regret that.”

In his book Undistracted: Capture Your Purpose, Rediscover Your Joy, Goff delves into what a life with less clutter might look like. In a conversation with RELEVANT, he talks about what his mission to be a less distracted person, and what others can learn from it.

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

What did being distracted look like for you?

Everybody’s so in everybody’s grill about stuff that you can get distracted by coming up with a worldview that protects you. You say, this is not a safe place. I don’t want to feel rejection. So what do is fake it. Then we become caricatures. We can have these two personas going on. There’s the person that your loved ones know, and then there’s the person that strangers know. What I want to do is sync those up, or understand what’s going on and why. What’s that connected to?

Do you think that social media makes it easier to get distracted now than it used to be? Or does getting distracted just look a little different now than it used to?

What you can do is walk around really afraid, rather than walking around really engaged. Your head is on a swivel, looking for a problem, versus being head on a swivel looking for an opportunity. If your worldview is that everybody’s going to get in your grill on this and that, it’s going to happen. Then we start then avoiding people who have had a problem or made a really big misstep.

I just want to invert that a little bit. Part of living a less distracted life is to come to grips with the fact that you’ll always be misunderstood. You’re going to be misunderstood. Does that ever happen to you?

Yeah, of course.

Constantly, right? Me too. It’s going to happen constantly. We’re misunderstood, so what are you going to do when the anticipated happens? I want to assume friendship, and I want to receive that I’ll be misunderstood. To understand that this is going to happen and don’t let that be a distraction.

I’m not aiming for misunderstanding, I’m aiming for the opposite. I’m looking for clarity. But I’m not going to sacrifice who I am for clarity to a stranger. That doesn’t mean I have a high view of myself. I have just a really high view of what’s possible if we fan the flames, like Paul was saying, of this unique gift that we have and we each roll differently.

So if you do something that’s odd, I’m just going to assume you’re a really smart guy. You must have given that some thought, or maybe you just muffed it like I do. It happens.

Let me throw a hypothetical at you. You say something publicly on stage or social media. You’re misunderstood. People are offended. They’re genuinely angry, sad, disappointed. You have these two options: double down or apologize. How should we be wise and how we navigate that very public backlash?

There’s a great verse it’s Romans 12. It says: “For as much as it’s within your power, live at peace with other people.” I live at pretty much at peace with other people. Sometimes it’s harder to live at peace with myself, because you could be so hard on yourself.

I was speaking at this thing in Texas and a woman called me from the number in the back of the book [Goff famously put his cell phone number in the back of his first book and invited anyone who wanted to talk to give him a ring]. A woman called up and she says “I was at your event last night.” Awesome. How’d you like it? She said “Oh, I hated it.” Really? Which part? She said “Oh the whole thing.” Why? She said “You were cussing the whole time.”

I just don’t remember having done that. I said “What did I say?” She said “You said, ‘Oh my gosh.'”

We did not go to the same high school, because that was not a cuss word where I went, but evidently it was where she went.

I didn’t apologize to her. It wasn’t a point of pride. I didn’t have anything to apologize for, nor did I feel I needed a wave a bony finger at her and tell her, “Do you know anybody who’s in a hospital right now that you could be visiting, rather than calling a stranger in San Diego?”

Instead of that, I said “Hey, you know, next time I’m rolling through, in the unlikely event that they have me back, what if we go get a Slurpee together? I’ll buy, just give me a call. You have my number so call up. We’ll have a Slurpee.

What I’m trying to do is not swing at every pitch. God’s doing something different in her life than she’s doing in mine right now. That isn’t apathy. That’s wisdom. I’m not going to let that be the largest thing. If you have a distraction in your life, you can replace it with something bigger and better.

I meet a lot of people where faith is important to them and they’re trying to be Jesus’s lawyer. But he didn’t need one and you’re not good enough.

Sometimes, I think we get so tied up sorting our public persona and our private one that even we get a little confused on which one is real.

I get that. There’s a tension. It comes from a good place. You just want to meet people and give what they want. I don’t beat myself up over this, but I have an awareness that I want to be engaging. I’m hoping that the person that came to my event or whatever finds something for them. I don’t try to speak to the most enthusiastic person. If I have a chance to say something, I find a guy in row four that doesn’t want to be there. I tell every story to him. Find the person who doesn’t want to be there. I want to see if I could get them in the room, if I could get them.

But some of us are trying to speak to the most enthusiastic person in the room. What is that tied to? Validation? Man, if you want applause, join the circus. If you want Jesus, find the poor. Hungry people, thirsty people, sick people, strange people, naked people, people in jail. Find them.

Just practically, for those of us who are feeling very distracted, what are things we can actually do that are going to help us focus?

First you got to catch up to where you were. Ask yourself: When I checked out emotionally or even physically from colleagues, what happened while I was gone? When I just checked out of a relationship, or I checked out of something that was causing me a lot of stress, what happened while I was gone? Figure that out and just say, is there a way I can recreate something more beautiful out of that? Is this a re-model or a tear down?

Then just figure out what’s your next move. What’s the next courageous move. Always moving towards authenticity. If you’re fun and I am fun, you can trend towards being the fun guy. What I want to trend toward is being the authentic guy. Just get real. Actually show up. Not as a caricature of yourself, but actually as yourself.

You can pre-order Bob Goff’s Undistracted here.

The reality is that counseling might not work the first time you try it. It could take time to develop a relationship with your counselor, or you may need to try meeting with someone else entirely. Maybe you need a different kind of therapy. There are lots of options out there when it comes to taking care of your mental health.

“It’s a lot like dating,” says Brittney Moses. Moses is a mental health expert who wants to make mental health more accessible. A big part of that is understanding the ins and outs of the mental health world.

Moses sat down with RELEVANT to discuss how you can find not only a good counselor, but the right counselor for you, what resources are available to help you prioritize your mental health, why therapy is so much more than you realize.

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity. 

If someone knows they need to find a counselor, what resources are available to find the best one for their situation?

I’m glad you asked because this is a big deal for me as a millennial living in this economy. Therapy is not always super accessible or easy to navigate, especially when you’ve just got off your parents’ health insurance for the first time and now you’re trying to figure out how to find your doctor, dentist, and therapist. It’s all in that. And I say that as someone who is in training and has studied this—it’s hard. So I want to offer two routes: first, how to look for a therapist, and then low-cost options that are more accessible.

Typically, when looking for a therapist, people will go through their insurance and directory to see what therapists are within their coverage. Usually, there’s a website for your insurance directory or a number that you can call where you can put in your zip code and see which therapist is under your coverage nearest to you. Then you can start by cold calling or emailing them, letting them know you’re interested. It’s kind of like dating.

Another way to go is through directories like psychologytoday.com. You can put in your zip code and find a therapist near you. PsychologyToday allows you to filter for insurance, cost or culture if you want someone within your cultural or faith background. So there are some filter options there that are cool. Directories work.

For low-cost options and accessible resources, there are great peer support groups. It’s not therapy, but it is beneficial. Trained facilitators help run these groups. I was trained as a peer support group facilitator for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have peer support groups that are great. Also, university counseling centers offer free or low-cost counseling services to students as part of their fees.

Another low-cost option is graduate training clinics. Most of these clinics are at universities and colleges, where therapists in training at the graduate level provide therapy overseen by professionally licensed supervisors. Another great option is lowcosthelp.com, a national directory of affordable and sliding-scale counseling services. They’re partnered with Open Path Psychotherapy, a nonprofit network of mental health professionals dedicated to providing in-office mental health care at a reduced rate for individuals, couples, children, and families.

Then there are hotlines, great for crisis situations or warm lines for when you need someone to talk to. There’s the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, now dialing just 988, and the crisis text line, offering 24/7 crisis support through text message. You can text 741-741 to connect with a crisis counselor at any time. These are great lines to count on when you need someone to debrief with.

You mentioned meeting with a therapist who has a similar faith background. What are the pros and cons of that? 

Oh, this is one of my favorite questions because I always get, if you’re a Christian, should you only be seeing a Christian therapist? And certainly, there are benefits to that. There are benefits to somebody who maybe already shares or understands the basis of your worldview. There might be a little bit less that you have to explain, and that’s super helpful. I will say that all therapists are trained or supposed to be trained to be culturally competent and to have some background and understanding of where people are coming from and to meet people where they are. So I think there is a fear sometimes in the faith community that if you go see a therapist who isn’t Christian, they’re going to try to override your beliefs and push this psycho babble jargon, new age, whatever, onto you. And I have to say that’s quite unethical. It is highly stated as unethical. You cannot go in there and try to change someone’s beliefs.

Being a culturally competent therapist means you are meeting people where they are, and trying to understand their worldview. What are the things that help them in their faith and continue to connect them to those resources, those faith-based resources in their own community as well? So that being said, I think I want people to think a little bit more critically about this because even if your therapist, say, is a Christian, that doesn’t mean that they believe everything that you believe.

And on the flip side, in therapy, we’re also taught that even though we have a client that maybe shares the same faith as us, that doesn’t mean that they believe everything that we believe, right? There is a vast spectrum of doctrine in the Christian faith, even types of denominations, different worldviews, and interpretations of scripture along the spectrum of faith. So either way, you’re going to have to get to know what it is that this person believes, what it is that informs their faith, what it is that helps them, what it is that shapes their worldview. Either way. So yes, it is helpful, but whether you have a Christian therapist or not, either way, you’re going to have someone whose goal is to meet you where you are, whose goal is to understand your worldview and to help that. I would say it is a red flag.

If there is someone who demeans that or kind of bypasses that or doesn’t seem to care about that or is pushing something else on you that is clearly against what you believe, that’s something worth having a conversation with them about. But my philosophy is that especially if someone’s in crisis, it’s just better to get help from someone who is trained.

Then no help at all, right? Like if it’s between locating, waiting and locating a Christian therapist and just finding someone to get your foot in, to get you the help that you need so you can start finding relief so that you can start functioning again, so you can start feeling better, I’d rather you just find someone who is trained because again, the educational tracks are very similar.

How can you know when a counselor is or isn’t working out for you? 

One of the things that I always want to point out is that, when it comes to therapy, in essence, you’re learning this person for the first time. They’re learning you for the first time. So it’s going to take some time to build that therapeutic relationship, what we call a therapeutic alliance. And, there is an assessment that’s taking place at first just to get to know you and what your goals are and what your backstory is. Right. So, that’s going to take a little time. So, I always say, give it some time, give it at least a couple of months, give it at least a few sessions, and pay attention to if they are also paying attention to what your needs are, I would say.

It’s a bidirectional relationship. So I would say first, if something’s not working, try to communicate it with your therapist or counselor. They’re learning you as well. See how they respond to those needs. If you notice that it’s just not working, there’s just still something that’s not connecting there, then you have the autonomy to seek someone who is a better fit for you.

I think that with any kind of health profession, any type of career like that, you might have someone who believes that you’re struggling with this, or maybe this might be a diagnosis. And if you’re not feeling completely sure about that, then again, in knowing your own health and wanting to be responsible with your own health, you have the autonomy to seek a second and even third perspective, to see if they all line up. Yeah. You can advocate for yourself, is what I’m saying. You have the right to advocate for yourself.

Therapists are trained to be understanding and empathetic and to be able to adjust to what’s working and what’s not working. And so, that would also be true of the relationship that you’re having with them. And hopefully, they will be able to understand and adjust to those needs. Because I believe any well-intentioned counselor or therapist is wanting to meet you where you are, but they just might be missing something or some information that they can only get from you.

A lot of people have a misunderstanding of therapy and think that it’s similar to simply talking to a friend. Can you explain why it’s more complex than that?

Yeah, I think there are some common misconceptions that people might have about it. What’s the difference between talking to your friend and talking to a therapist? Or as my husband says, when I tell him to go to the doctor, what are they going to tell me? That’s what you talk to the doctor for. Right? We go in like, what are they going to tell me that I don’t already know? Are they really going to be helpful? So how does talking help me?

And I want to pull out that with therapy, there is skill involved. There is assessment involved. There is goal setting and measuring the outcomes of those goals if your anxiety is actually getting better, if your depression is actually improving. We’re measuring it and we’re using specific evidence-based tools and skills to help.

So what separates counseling and therapy is the actual application of evidence-based knowledge and scientific information to inform judgment and decisions about what will be helpful to people in certain situations, right? That means these techniques, skills, and tools have been studied, researched in clinical settings to test for efficacy, basically meaning how well these techniques and tools actually work in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. It’s not just a free-for-all. There is thoughtful application being used where there is training involved. Also, there’s protection there, right? Of confidentiality, meaning it will not leave the room. They’ll often say unless you’re going to hurt yourself or others, it won’t leave the room; it’s non-judgmental.

There’s empathy there and it’s a safe space, which unfortunately not everybody has. And that can be a hindrance to really diving into the help and work that’s needed to start getting better. So, yeah, that’s what I think I just want to throw out is the difference with therapy and counseling and maybe just talking to someone or talking to your friend. We consider friends, pastors, spiritual leaders, mentors, helpers, and they are important, supportive, helpful, and beneficial, but it is different than therapy, and I recommend that people just kind of have a tool belt of support, a community of support, and have all those things in their life if they can.

Four out of five Americans are being exposed to a harmful chemical found in popular oat-based foods (like Cheerios or Quaker Oats) that is linked to infertility, altered fetal growth and delayed puberty.

The Environmental Working Group’s study in the Journal of Exposure Science & Environmental Epidemiology found 80% of Americans tested positive for traces of chlormequat.

Despite the negative side effects in our food, however, the “highly toxic agricultural chemical” is federally allowed because it makes it easier to harvest oats and other grains, per the EWG.

“Just as troubling, we detected the chemical in 92% of oat-based foods purchased in May 2023, including Quaker Oats and Cheerios,” EWG reported.

You may be wondering, how has anyone gotten pregnant with numbers that high? Well, the truth is, they haven’t. Since 2007, the U.S birth rate has been steadily decreasing, dropping almost 23% between 2007 and 2022. The average American will have about 1.6 children in their lifetime, down from 3 in 1950. The decline is due to myriad factors — the rising cost of living, women waiting to have children until they’re older, and, evidently, our diets.

And while there are even more factors that play a role into actually getting pregnant, a good first step could be clearing out your pantry.

I know I’m hard to love when I’m depressed, but if you are the rare friend who is committed to staying with me through the pain, consider these seven ways you can help me.

1. Don’t Judge.

You will feel frustrated with me. You will wonder why I can’t—or don’t—get better. You won’t understand my limitations. You will call and suggest a fun activity, hoping to cheer me up, only to find that I just can’t. It won’t make sense.

But please don’t judge me. I’m already judging myself harshly. I’m having trouble understanding myself, too. I’ve heard happiness is a choice and I’m responsible for my own emotions, but right now I’m having difficulty figuring out how to apply those principles.

Pray that your heart would be full of grace toward me. If judgment remains in your heart, I will probably sense that. It will probably come out, because “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” What a blessing if the overflow of your heart is grace.

2. Don’t Tell Me to Believe Things I Already Know.

I know God is good. I know He works everything for good for those who love Him. I know I should find joy in God.

And I know it is good to be reminded of these things, but please tread carefully. I know these truths should thrill my soul, but right now my soul is wounded. It isn’t a lack of faith or unbelief. Please don’t imply that my spiritual deficiencies are the cause of my depression.

Not a sparrow falls to the ground without God’s knowledge, but sparrows still fall. God works all things to the good for those who love Him. But He still allows His saints to suffer. And He doesn’t always tell them why.

3. Learn to Listen.

I will say things that are not true, things that need to be refuted. I will express my pain in wrong ways.

I need you to tell me true things, but first I need to know that I have been heard. I need grace when I say, “I’m the most miserable person alive!” Understand that right now, I probably do believe that.

Don’t immediately shoot me down with, “That’s not true!” Instead, let me know that you’ve heard me with something like, “Wow. You must feel pretty bad right now. You feel pretty alone, like no one else can really understand what you’re going through.”

After actively listening to me, you can attempt to correct my faulty thinking, with something like, “I know you feel terrible and alone and not understood. But you aren’t alone. I may not completely understand, but I love you and I’m here for you, and that won’t change. And, what’s more, God loves you, and whereas I might fail you, He never will.” By this point, I may actually be able to hear you, because I feel heard.

4. Don’t Try to Fix It.

You can’t. There is nothing you can say that can convince me to be happy, and most attempts will lead to frustration on both sides.

5. Sit With Me.

I’m going through a dark time right now, and what I need most is someone who is willing to sit with me in my darkness. Hold me while I cry.

Only after you hear me and hold me will there be any chance that I can hear the truth.

6. If You Give Advice, Back It Up with Support.

Be very careful if you feel like telling me I need to do something. You may be right, but please understand how impossible everything feels right now. Tell me to do something only if you are prepared to hold my hand through it.

I know exercise will help me feel better. But tell me to exercise only if you are prepared to come over, roll me out of bed, pick out my exercise clothes, choose my exercise program, prod me every step of the way and do my laundry when it’s over. And don’t look discouraged when I’m not better after a week of this. It’s helping, but change is slow.

If that is too much commitment, don’t give the advice. I am weary of hearing what I should do without the strength to do it. I don’t need cheap words. I need someone who is willing to sacrifice his or her time and comfort to something they truly believe will be helpful to me.

7. Pray For Me and With Me

There are several reasons why this is good: There are the standard biblical reasons about when two or more come together in Jesus’ name He will be there.

Then there’s the practical reason: If you pray with me right now while you’re thinking of it, both of us know that your well-intentioned promise to pray at some vague time in the future won’t be forgotten when you get home and are overwhelmed with life’s little urgencies.

Finally, there’s the relational reason: Hearing you plead with God for me gives me another opportunity to feel heard. When I hear you tell God what I’ve told you, I know you have paid attention. You may not completely understand my emotions, but when you understand enough to tell God, my feelings of isolation begin to recede.

Like everything else, don’t expect immediate fixes from prayer. We serve a powerful God, a God who heals, but as far as I can see, He usually heals depression gradually.

To be my friend while I am suffering from depression is a heavy burden. And while I am in the middle of it, I will be just as likely to lash out at you as to thank you. But when I can, I will thank you with my whole heart.

That includes some of our most prominent celebrities, who are using their platforms to do more than promote their selfies. Whether it’s brought up on social media or in an interview, here’s 10 celebrities who are finding their own ways to elevate the mental health conversation.

Kumail Nanjiani

“This thing had become too much in my head… I’m like, ‘OK, this is going to be the coming out party, I’ve worked so hard for this.’ It was really, really hard, and that was when I was like, ‘This is unfair to me, [and] it’s unfair to [my wife] Emily. I can’t approach my work this way anymore. Some s*** has got to change.’ So very intentionally, I did start counseling.”

Earlier this week on an appearance on the “Inside of You With Michael Rosenbaum” podcast, actor Kumail Nanjiani revealed he started attending therapy after seeing negative reviews of his movie, Eternals, in 2021. Years later, he admits there’s still work do be done but therapy has been essential in keeping his mental health in tact.

Dax Shepherd

Kerry Washington

“The first thing that put me on my knees, the first time that I actually got on my knees and prayed to some power greater than myself to say, ‘I can’t do this, I need some help’ was with my eating disorder.”

In her memoir, Thicker Than Water, actress Kerry Washington opened up for the first time about her battle with eating disorders and suicidal ideation. Speaking on Good Morning America with Robin Roberts, Washington revealed that she turned to God to help her find a way out of her struggle.

Billie Eilish

“Kids use my songs as a hug. Songs about being depressed or suicidal or completely just against-yourself—some adults think that’s bad, but I feel that seeing that someone else feels just as horrible as you do is a comfort. It’s a good feeling.”

Eilish is known by most of the world for her exciting and catchy pop songs, but her fans know her for her honest and raw conversations about her struggles with her mental health. From body dysmorphia to depression to even Tourette syndrome, Eilish doesn’t shy away from the fact that life isn’t always picture perfect.

Justin Bieber

“I just would encourage people, like, ‘Hey, if you’re feeling lonely, talk about it. Say it out loud.’ There’s a freedom in that. I could have avoided a lot of pain.”

Bieber has placed a massive focus on his mental health in recent years, opening up about his battle with anxiety and drug addiction. And now he’s encouraging fans to get the help they need. On his last tour, Bieber partnered with numerous organizations that focus in a variety of topics including mental health. He eventually cancelled his tour after a few months to focus on his own mental health.

Sophie Turner

“I’ve suffered with depression for about five or six years now. The biggest challenge for me: Getting out of bed and getting out of the house — and like, learning to love yourself.”

The Games of Thrones actress shared on Dr. Phil’s podcast that she struggled with anxiety and depression regarding her appearance while she was filming the hit HBO show. Through therapy and medication, Turner has eventually grown to a place where she has learned to love herself and she hopes by sharing her story others can do the same.

Selena Gomez

“My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting on stage, or right after leaving the stage.” 

The singer/actress/entrepreneur is no stranger to stress. After years of struggling with anxiety and depression, Gomez opened up about her battles, including how quitting social media helps alleviate her stress. Last year, Gomez launched Wondermind, an online therapy resource to help others get the information and tools they need. And in 2022, she released a documentary all about her mental health journey on Apple TV+, Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

“I reached a point where I didn’t want to do a thing or go anywhere. I was crying constantly.”

There’s no doubt that Johnson has spent some time working on his physical health, but in 2018, the wrestler-turned-actor shared that he’s put a lot of work into his mental health, too. Johnson shared that he’s battled with depression for years and he’s worked with his mother, who also struggles with depression, to get the help he needs.

Not because I’m not smart enough. But because when I was 18 years old I was losing the battle of my mind. The Enemy had gained a foothold in my life, and that foothold was called laziness. I could sleep through morning classes like a champ. If there had been an Olympic competition in skipping class and making excuses, I’d have gold medals hanging on the wall. Eventually, the letter arrived from the dean of my program requesting that I kindly take some time off from pursuing my university education.

No worries, I thought. I’ll enroll at the junior college in town.

Not long after, I received a similar notice from them. I had succeeded in failing out of two schools in the same year.

Talk about the Enemy sitting at your table and eating your lunch!

All the while, I still had huge dreams. Through a powerful experience of being called to ministry, I knew God had big plans for my life. I could clearly see my future. But I had lost sight of what it was going to take to get there. I was pumped about eventually going to graduate school for further ministry training. I had just lost interest in the undergraduate grind necessary to get there.

Once the light bulb came on and I connected the two steps, I literally took the next exit on the freeway and within an hour was sitting in that same dean’s office, begging him to let me back into Georgia State. He was gracious, and I was awakened to my future plans and what it was going to take to get there. My identity wasn’t college strikeout. I was called by God to preach His Word. I had the capacity to sleep through class, for sure. But, as I demonstrated, I also had the ability to crush two years’ worth of classes (crush in the very best way) in a little over a year. I graduated with my original freshman class and enrolled in grad school on schedule.

I won the battle of my mind. I woke up every day convinced God was going to accomplish through me all He had called me to do. I believed I could be who He created me to be.

Can you see where you want to be?

I’m not only talking about where you want to be in some personal accomplishment, business success, sports endeavor, or financial goal. I’m talking about where you want to be in your soul. I’m talking about being in charge of your thoughts, attitudes, and actions. I’m talking about moving into purpose and living the life God has designed you to live.

Perhaps the Enemy has convinced you that you can’t move from where you are to where you want to be. You’ve listened to the voices of fear. You’ve been caught in the spiral of sin and temptation. You’ve convinced yourself you have no value. Your mind is clouded by worry and uncertainty. The Enemy has accomplished this by sitting down at your table, but you don’t need to let him stay there and get comfortable. You do not have to entertain the Enemy’s voice. Through Christ, you can move to a place of victory in your life.

This happens when you learn to win the battle for your mind. The Enemy knows this. One of his main ploys is to go after your thought life. He’s patient too. In the garden of Eden, the serpent didn’t shout his temptations to Eve over a loudspeaker. He planted seeds in her mind and waited. He prompted her to question God’s goodness. He coaxed her to wonder if God was withholding something good from her. Eventually Eve relented and let those seeds take root. Eve acted out what she had been thinking about.

That’s how the Enemy works. If he can win the battle for your mind, then he can win the battle for your life. In Numbers 13, when Moses dispatched the twelve spies to explore the land of Canaan in preparation for Hebrew conquest, ten spies returned with a fearful, faithless report. “We can’t attack those people,” the ten spies said, shaking in their boots. “They are stronger than we are …We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes. And we looked the same to them” (vv. 30–33).

Hang on. How did the ten spies know what they looked like in the Canaanites’ eyes? Did the spies ask their enemies, “Hey, what do you think of us? How small and puny do we look to you?” No, a seed had been planted in the spies’ minds. They tended that seed and let it grow and acted on it, and as a result, they wandered in the desert for the next forty years. They never tasted the promise of God for their lives.

It didn’t have to be that way, in the wilderness never tasting God’s promises — not for them, and not for you and me today. Victory can be yours. Right here. Right now. Victory is about examining the seeds that have been scattered in your mind and not letting them take root. It’s about pulling up and throwing away the thoughts that do not coincide with the heart of God. It’s about changing the way you think.

How about you? Do you believe you can live in victory? If the answer is no, the deceiver is winning the battle for your mind. He’s real, and he has a real plan. He’s circling your table, ready to sit. So keep this in mind: this isn’t simply any old exercise in reading another book. This is your life we’re talking about. This is your now. This is your future. This is your family. This is your sanity. Your peace. Your success. Your calling. Your destiny. This is everything God has made you to be. The Devil wants to destroy you. He has no mercy, and he has all the time in the world.

Fortunately, any seeds the Enemy scatters in your mind don’t need to remain for more than a millisecond. Seeds do not need to take root. Any new seeds can be immediately removed. Even seeds that have been there for years can be removed. And it’s not about you using your superpowers. I want to drive this point home. Victory is not about something you do. That’s not the message here. The message is the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s about what Jesus does for you. Jesus won the total victory Himself. God makes the way. First Corinthians 15:57 says, “Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The word victory in the above verse is the Greek word nikos. It specifically connotes victory that has come about due to a conquest. In the New Testament, the word is always used to describe the conquest provided for the believer by Christ. He conquered all the powers of darkness and sin.

In your spiritual life, Jesus gives you the nikos. He gives you His accomplished work on the cross, the defeat of sin. He has established a beachhead of victory so you can move forward. From this foundation of victory, you now fight. That’s your mind-set to prayerfully embrace today.

Taken from “Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table” by Louie Giglio. Copyright 2021 by Louie Giglio. Used with permission from Thomas Nelson. Thomasnelson.com

A new survey revealed that nearly three-quarters (73%) believe they have a better understanding of their health than their own doctor, using sources like social media and health websites to get their information.

In fact, 52% shared they’ve begun using AI like ChatGPT for medical diagnosis. Of those, nearly a quarter (23%) said they would trust AI to diagnose them with medical conditions and chronic illnesses.

As it turns out, it appears Americans trust AI with a variety of health-related information. The survey found people would trust AI to recommend treatment plans for them (53%) and coordinate with pharmacies to fill prescriptions (47%). Additionally, respondents said they would trust AI with their sleeping patterns (53%), heart rate information (51%), blood pressure (42%) and fertility information (40%).

Americans are turning to the internet for a variety of reasons. Fifty-seven percent said it’s easier to ask social media or ChatGPT because they don’t understand what their healthcare insurance covers, while 51% said they’re embarrassed to speak in-person about what they’re experiencing. Forty-five percent used it because they wanted a “second opinion.”

Social media sites like Twitter/X or Reddit provide a space for people with similar illnesses to discuss not only their diagnoses but also their treatment plans. However, it should be noted that many factors go into a patient’s treatment plan. What works for one individual may not work for another.

It also doesn’t help that the internet is full of health misinformation, defined as “as a health-related claim that is based on anecdotal evidence, false or misleading owing to the lack of existing scientific knowledge.” A 2021 study found widespread online misinformation on a variety of health-related issues, including vaccines, smoking and drugs, cancer, dieting and more. Meaning even if people think they’re finding an little-known health secret, they could just be uncovering a totally uninformed opinion.

“Doctors and patients need to figure out together how AI can play the best role in healthcare journey,” said Lija Hogan, principal of enterprise research strategy at UserTesting. “This means that we have to figure out the right guardrails to ensure people are getting high-quality advice in the right contexts and how to connect patients to providers. The growing prevalence of healthcare deserts or even just ordinary lack of access in America means that AI will be incorporated into the healthcare journey to provide care at the scale that we need as the country ages.”

Now, in my thirties, I have come to a comfortable peace with my body. Are there still things I would change if I could? Sure. But over the last decade, as my relationship with God has deepened—and as my body has altered and shifted—I have been able to cling to gratefulness.

My body has carried me through severe sickness and emotional pain. It has grown and stretched with a child I love dearly. It has walked me over thousands of miles across the world. I am thankful for it, jiggles and all.

Here are the things I wish I had understood about my body in my twenties—the things that have allowed me to not only accept but rejoice in the body I have:

Your body’s main purpose is not to attract others to it.

Our culture shows us more than enough images of bodies to make us believe that they exist simply to attract others. And in large part because of that, I had a lot of angst in my twenties about how my body appeared to others. I looked in the mirror for lumps and bumps in what I considered to be the “wrong places,” and chose my clothes based on how attractive I thought they made me look to others.

I wanted to look beautiful, and I wanted to be attractive.

Now, hear me: I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with wanting to appear attractive. I still want to be a beautiful woman. But it was the way I approached my body in my twenties that made my mindset so unhealthy. I was operating from the lens that culture had taught me, rather than getting my grid for beauty and attractiveness from Scripture.

I’m not suggesting that we wear paper bags and frumpy clothes, but what I wish I would have grasped in my twenties is this: Your body’s main purpose is to worship the God who created it.

The book of Romans exhorts us: “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Romans 12:1).

Your body is primarily a means of worshiping God—through service, through love, through acts of praise and mercy. Attracting the presence of God through the lives we live in our bodies is much more important than attracting the passing attention of others.

Your health and fitness are immensely more important than a number on a scale.

I was an athlete through high school and into college. But when I was no longer on a team, I treated exercise as a way to keep my weight in check rather than as a tool for strengthening and protecting the only body I’ve been given.

I worked out to keep the numbers on the scale down and didn’t worry about long-term health goals like building muscle mass or staying limber and flexible. Now, in my thirties, I’m keenly aware of the fact that this body isn’t going to last forever.

I wish I had been able to tell myself this: You are the only one—outside of a doctor or two, perhaps—who knows that number on the scale. And you are the only one who cares about that number.

Your weight is a number that does not define or even identify you. It has nothing to do with your eternal value or earthly import. But you will be living in this body for the rest of your life. Try to think long-term about caring for it and preparing it for a lifetime of work, service and love.

Sex is wonderful but it isn’t the pinnacle of existence.

Part of the angst about attractiveness and the shape and size of our bodies stems from a culture that is obsessed with sex. And when the act of sex is at the center of a culture’s focus, then bodies become hyper-sexualized—everything about their attractiveness stems from sexualized ideals. But what I wish I had known in my twenties was that the other aspects of sex—the emotional aspect, the spiritual aspect, the relational aspect—these are the things that make sex deeply satisfying, over and over again, with the same person, in the context of a godly marriage.

I needed to hear in my twenties that it’s not the shape or size of a body that makes sex wonderful—it’s the context of sex within a loving marriage to a fun and thoughtful spouse thats gives sex its power and delight.

Your body is decaying, even now.

In my early twenties, I imagined that my body was endlessly malleable and unceasingly able. There had not been much, yet, that I couldn’t make it do, at least within the realms of normal, everyday life.

If I wanted to run, I went for a run. If I wanted to play pick-up basketball, I played. If I wanted to stay up late, I stayed up. Now, a decade later, I’m feeling the truth of a body that is already starting to break down. I’m tired—a lot. I’m not as flexible. My knees are actually starting to creak when I bend down. And my metabolism is slowing. I’m feeling the effects of what I’m heading toward—death.

I won’t say it’s not discouraging to feel my body breaking down already. But it has pointed me to the truth that the Apostle Paul declares in 2 Corinthians 4: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (v. 16).

Externally, we are wasting away—all of us. What I wish I would have grasped in my twenties is that these bodies, as they are, don’t work very well or very long. Yet, as we grow in faith, in relationship with Jesus, and as we aim for the Kingdom of God, we can be encouraged that our souls are being renewed and actually strengthened. Our bodies may be dying, but our souls are living—and growing.

And, there’s good news for our bodies, too. Because ultimately, there is a day coming for Christians when these bodies will be made new, as well (see Philippians 3:20-21).

So, while it’s important to take care of these bodies, it’s also important to keep the right perspective: Let’s aim for a healthy soul that pursues God more than anything else.

It’s well-established that being a faith leader is no walk in the park. A whopping 63 percent of pastors admit they often feel frequently overwhelmed, and 42 percent have toyed with the idea of calling it quits in the past year because of burnout.

Enter Jakes’ “Faith and Mental Health Hub.” This free online program is all about giving pastors the tools they need to get a handle on their mental health. It’s packed with over a dozen videos that dive into what mental health really is, how to break down stigma among leaders, and ways to prioritize self-care. The content is especially tuned in to the needs of Black and Latino leaders, who, according to recent surveys, are the least likely to get the mental health support they need.

During an online forum where Jakes announced the details of the hub, faith leaders and non-profit organizations shared why they’re backing the new initiative.

“There are so many leaders in our faith communities who are trying to be a resource for everyone else,” said Joshua DuBois, president of Values Partnerships, “but frequently, their own mental health gets overlooked.”

The course, available in English and Spanish, doesn’t just help faith leaders; it also gives them the tools to support their congregations’ mental health needs, too.

Thema Bryant, President of the American Psychological Association and an ordained minister, shared she’s grateful the hub is providing “culturally and spiritually sensitive” information for leaders.

“This web-based hub will be a valuable tool for all types of spiritual leaders by helping them become more effective counselors to the communities they serve and giving them information to support their own mental health,” she said.

In an era characterized by unprecedented digital connectivity, loneliness has paradoxically emerged as a pervasive issue, especially among Generation Z. Recent studies have revealed a startling trend: one in four of young adults in Gen Z report experiencing frequent feelings of loneliness. This statistic is not just a number; it represents a significant portion of a generation grappling with a profound sense of isolation in a world seemingly more connected than ever.

Dr. Emma Wood, a psychologist specializing in youth and young adult mental health, describes this paradox best.

“In a world where social media promises constant connection, many young adults find themselves more isolated than ever,” Wood said. “The fabric of real social interactions has been eroded, replaced by digital interactions that often lack depth and genuine connection.”

This sentiment is echoed by Harvard social psychologist Dr. Lily Zhang, who emphasizes the health implications of this trend:.

“Loneliness in young adults is not simply about being alone; it’s a deeper feeling of disconnection,” Zhang said. “This emotional state can have significant mental and physical health repercussions if not addressed.”

As this issue of loneliness becomes more prevalent, it’s crucial for individuals, especially young adults leaving college behind and entering “the real world,” to understand how to navigate and mitigate these feelings.

Here are six actionable steps that can be taken to combat loneliness:

1. Acknowledge and Understand Your Loneliness

The first step in addressing loneliness is recognizing and accepting it. This is not about self-pity but about self-awareness. Understanding your feelings of loneliness can help in identifying the underlying causes – be it a lack of deep connections, recent life changes, or other personal challenges. Recognizing these feelings is essential in taking proactive steps to overcome them.

2. Create Meaningful Social Connections

In a world dominated by fleeting online interactions, fostering deep and meaningful relationships can be a powerful antidote to loneliness. This might involve nurturing existing relationships or building new ones. Engage in activities that encourage real-life interactions, like joining clubs, attending social events, or participating in community gatherings. Dr. Wood suggests, “The quality of connections matters more than quantity. Having a few close relationships can be more fulfilling than numerous superficial ones.”

3. Volunteer and Engage in Community Activities

Volunteering offers a dual benefit: it allows for connection with others and provides a sense of purpose. Engaging in community service or volunteer work can create a sense of belonging and contribute to higher self-esteem and happiness. This could involve various activities, from helping at local shelters to participating in environmental conservation efforts or joining a small group at your church. The key is to find something that resonates with your values and interests.

4. Pursue Personal Interests and Hobbies

Developing personal interests and hobbies can be a great way to combat feelings of loneliness. Whether it’s art, music, sports, or any other activity, engaging in hobbies can provide a sense of achievement and joy. Furthermore, many hobbies provide opportunities to join clubs or groups, facilitating social connections.

Dr. Zhang points out, “Engaging in hobbies not only provides a distraction from negative feelings but also offers opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals.”

5. Incorporate Physical Activity and Nature into Your Routine

Regular physical activity and spending time in nature can have profound effects on mental well-being. Activities like hiking, exercise or even simple walks in the park can improve mood and reduce feelings of loneliness. The natural environment provides a sense of peace and connectedness to the world, offering a perspective that can be both humbling and uplifting.

6. Seek Professional Help When Necessary

It’s important to recognize when professional help might be needed. Persistent feelings of loneliness and isolation can sometimes lead to or be symptoms of deeper mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Seeking the assistance of a therapist or counselor can provide valuable support and coping strategies. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help when needed.

Above all, remember that you’re not alone in your struggles with loneliness. Everyone goes through periods of feeling like they’re alone, but with a few key steps in the right direction, you can walk in the strength of a community around you.

The announcement coincides with Amazon’s recent $3.9 billion acquisition of One Medical, a primary care provider with offices in over 20 markets.

The Prime One Medical membership program ensures around-the-clock virtual connectivity with care providers, featuring video chats and options for in-person visits at One Medical locations. While the membership fee covers virtual visit costs, in-person consultations at One Medical offices will require separate payment, with insurance applicable for those visits.

Virtual healthcare, which saw a surge in popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic, continues to be a convenient option for managing minor health issues and routine doctor consultations. However, the growing reliance on telemedicine has raised concerns among some healthcare professionals about care fragmentation and the challenges in monitoring a patient’s overall health, especially if information about virtual consultations is not shared with their primary care physicians.

Amazon’s entry into the virtual healthcare market not only underscores the demand for accessible and affordable healthcare solutions, but also highlights the ongoing evolution of healthcare delivery in the digital age. As the company forges ahead in blending technology with healthcare, it sets a new precedent in how consumers can access medical services.

A new Gallup poll found that young adults — ages 19 to 29 — were the most likely age group to say they experience loneliness, with 27 percent expressing they feel “very or fairly lonely” and 30 percent sharing they feel “a little lonely.”

Earlier this year, Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, found that loneliness is as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. He declared loneliness a public health epidemic, and one that needs to be addressed as quickly as possible.

“We now know that loneliness is a common feeling that many people experience,” Murthy said. “It’s like hunger or thirst. It’s a feeling the body sends us when something we need for survival is missing. Millions of people in America are struggling in the shadows, and that’s not right.”

Nicole Mesita is a dietician who lives in San Francisco who has a passion, in her words, to “help people of all shapes and sizes discover body peace and acceptance through the unconditional love of Jesus.” She spoke with us about why she’s not a fan of dieting, what a better alternative for healthy eating might look like is and how to be mindful of others who are struggling with food issues.

Tell us a little about what you do?

Eating disorders are one of the deadliest mental illnesses. It’s actually second, the first one is narcotic usage. People don’t really realize that, and they also don’t realize that the number one cause of eating disorders is dieting. People are dieting at a younger age, they’re going on diets earlier and what we know about diets is that 95 to 98 percent of them don’t last. They result in weight regain, and even more weight gain. There’s metabolic problems that can happen.

So, an eating disorder can really derail someone from God’s calling on their life. It’s one of those mental illnesses that a lot of people want to have too, because if they lose it, then they’re afraid of the consequences, like weight gain and loss of control.

It is a really hard one to break free from. When I talk to my clients and they’re telling me 95 percent of their day is spent thinking about food and their body, that’s not biblical. That’s the opposite of what God says in Philippians” think about things that are praiseworthy. God doesn’t want us being obsessed about our body.

I hear you talking about some of the dangers of dieting and diets, but you’re a dietician.

I promote what we call mindful eating or intuitive eating. God gave you, me and everyone hunger and fullness signals. Those were innate in us when we were babies. We cried when we wanted food, and then we stopped when we were full. So I’m teaching people to go back to hunger and fullness signals. Eating when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full, honor what it is that you actually want. God does give us a variety of food that we do crave, and those things aren’t wrong to crave. Sometimes you’re going to crave a big salad, other times you’re going to crave a burger.

So my job as a dietician is not only helping people foster this healthier relationship with food and their body, but teaching them how to get back to those innate signals that they had when they were kids before diet culture took them away from those things.

Do you see spiritual connections to healthy eating? 

I think we’ve created this idol about physical health where physical health only looks a certain way. What the research really tells us is that it can look a variety of ways, and God created us all with different body sizes. If we’re idolizing a certain body, that’s not spiritual. You can achieve health no matter what your size is. That’s not saying that every person is healthy, regardless of their size. It’s just saying that you can achieve health no matter what your size is, and it’ll free you up to really focus on your spiritual health, which is more important.

There’s so much research about spiritual health being tied to being overall health like lower blood pressure, lower stress and all of those things, but our culture equates physical health with being thin and looking a certain way. Research is telling us more and more that just isn’t the truth.

This summer increased a lot of our stress and a lot of us fell into unhealthy eating and maybe unhealthy drinking habits. Do you have any advice for people whose stress has them eating too much, not eating enough or maybe just eating at odd hours? 

I think the first thing I would ask is for people to get curious about those things. If you are saying, “Hey, I’ve been eating a lot more than usual,” or “I’ve been eating at random times in the night,” I would say ask yourself about why that might be happening. Not in a judgmental or accusatory way, but just a genuinely curious way. Because oftentimes, the way that we eat does directly affect what is going on with our mental health and the stress that we’re experiencing.

It really takes a lifetime to unlearn some of the weird ideas we’ve picked up around not just eating, but healthy eating.

Right. The Church also holds its own beliefs about them too, and they can actually be super harmful. We’re often not creating a very inclusive environment for people with larger bodies in churches, and that’s absolutely heartbreaking. You’ll hear about different diets in church Bible studies, or people will make jokes about gluttony. It’s just totally heartbreaking as a dietician to hear my clients say, “I don’t feel comfortable going to my church because of these comments.”

How can we all be more aware, not just of our own possible unhealthy eating habits, but of the need to be sensitive to others who might be struggling? 

I think really just being aware of weight discrimination and how that affects people in larger bodies. The stigma for those individuals increases cortisol in their body, and cortisol is a stress hormone that, makes you, funnily enough, gain weight. We’re just creating this cycle of stress causing this weight gain, and that’s a thing that people really can’t control either.

Read more about Nicole’s work at Body BLoved.

That was not the only time I had feelings of inadequacy regarding my body, but that was about the time I started seriously hitting the gym. I couldn’t go on being a little shrimp and still call myself a man!

My friend Paul C. Maxwell wrote an amazing article called “The Epidemic of Male Body Hatred,” in which he explored the phenomenon in depth:

“If I could look like that guy who played Thor, I would be happy.”

It’s a common belief among men of our age. Put more honestly: “If I can’t appear confident, sexy, intimidating, competent and super-human, I’m worthless.”

We compare ourselves to others in the gym. We come away from movies wanting to exercise for eight hours. We would rather jump in front of a truck than take our shirts off at the pool. We feel pathetic and small. We look at ourselves in almost every mirror we pass. When alone, we flex—not because we like what we see, but because we don’t. We have spent hundreds of dollars on pre-workout, weight-loss and weight-gain supplements. We research the best way to bulk, shred, diet and binge.

He points out that there is a big difference between being healthy and being shredded. Even as Christians we often excuse this excessive gym addiction as our way of “staying in shape” and “pushing myself.” For many of us, myself included, these endless hours at the gym come more from a place of insecurity and self-loathing than a genuine desire for health.

Because in the back of our minds, we know that there are plenty of exceptionally healthy people who don’t look like the cover models of Men’s Fitness. And conversely, not all those cover models may be healthy people, despite how chiseled their physiques are.

I have a friend who used to be a ballerina in New York City. She told me that when she began, her director handed her a packet of diet pills and a box of cigarettes and said, “Get started.”

Because health is not the goal, looking good is.

And this is the attitude I often embrace when I walk through the gym.

Many of us perceive our body and our looks as the one aspect of ourselves that is easiest to address and control. We’d rather spend three hours on the dumbbells than spending time in silence, addressing the roots of our insecurity. We’d rather avoid asking why we see ourselves as unworthy of love as long as our bodies are “undesirable.”

In Fight Club, the narrator looks at a Calvin Klein ad and asks, “Is that what a man is supposed to look like?”

Being confident in certain parts of your body is not confidence at all. If you were to be in a car accident and all your muscles were to evaporate, would you still be satisfied with yourself? Is your confidence rooted in your physical attributes or is it rooted more deeply in who you are as a person?

We all hide behind something. Sometimes we hide behind humor, intelligence, or artistic skill, and for us gym rats, it happens to be our bodies. It’s easy to hide behind this one especially because you can cover it up with the “health” excuse, but as I said above, this is beyond the realm of staying healthy.

So how do we stop our hiding and address our own issues with ourselves? We begin in the Gospel.

The incarnation is the theological term for God, the creator of all that exists, becoming human. The Creator entering what He created. The Eternal Spirit putting on flesh.

Our bodies are called good no matter what shape they are in, not because of the amount of effort we pour into them, but because God Himself donned one. Whether chubby or bone-thin, your body is good.

The very fact that Jesus incarnated a body and walked around in it for 33 years shows that bodies in themselves are not bad or evil or shameful. On top of that, the prophet Isaiah actually tells us that physically, Jesus was not that attractive. We have done ourselves a disservice by portraying Jesus as an attractive figure.

The Greeks at the time portrayed their gods with sculpted deltoids and rippling quadriceps, but the Bible tells quite a different story about God. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him. (Isaiah 53:2)

The world looks for a strong and powerful king, but Jesus showed us one who was ugly, weak and defeated. Not only was He physically unattractive, but He sunk to the lowest depths of shame when He was crucified naked and displayed for the public to look upon. He was physically unattractive, but He knew who He was and therefore didn’t need to compensate by puffing up His chest or wearing purple robes.

The issue isn’t that we have bodies and want them to look good; the problem comes when we try to root our confidence and self-esteem in them. We often ignore the health of our soul and spirit and try to compensate with hours in the gym.

Last night, I was cleaning out my childhood room and found an old shoebox full of letters. As I read through pages and pages of rich affection, I remembered what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. I remembered what it felt like not to feel that I have to look a certain way to impress someone in order to be loved. And it felt good.

I’ve realized that people who are most confident are not the strongest, but those who are OK with their weakness. I think the cure to overcoming our body hatred and insecurity is to remember that we are loved as we are. Health is good, as is working toward fitness goals, but not if we come to them to find love and acceptance.

In contrast to the world’s message of finding approval through looks, spend time in silence and meditate on the fact that Jesus promised to be with us regardless of how we look. Dwell on the fact that we are loved despite our weaknesses—physical or otherwise. The Apostle Paul even urges us to boast in our weakness. How contrary to the world’s message of strength is that?

May the fact that you’re loved as you are define you more than your muscles or curves as we learn how to relax and stop striving. The heart of our Father is this: to accept ourselves as we are, accept love from others and embrace the ongoing love of the Father who prefers weakness to strength.

A version of this article originally appeared on ethanrenoe.com. Used with permission.

The study, published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, found that performing acts of kindness, such as buying a stranger’s coffee or baking cookies for your neighbor, was more effective in reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety than other methods.

“Kindness can positively change your brain,” said psychiatrist Dr. Steve Siegle. “Being kind boosts serotonin and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters in the brain that give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being, and cause the pleasure/reward centers in your brain to light up.”

The study tested various methods of cognitive behavioral therapy — non-medicated ways to treat depression and anxiety by teaching individuals how to retrain their thoughts and emotions. The methods included random acts of kindness, planning fun activities into your schedule and “cognitive reappraisal,” which coaches people record any triggering thoughts and focus on resolving their negative feelings.

“We did think that, if there was going to be an advantage of one group over another, it might be the thoughts record group, since that’s such a tried-and-true way of addressing depressive [and anxiety] symptoms,” said Jennifer Cheavens, who co-authored the study. “But the kindness group did as well or better, and that group also had increases in social connection that didn’t happen in the other two groups.”

Overall, all three groups experienced improvements in the measurements, but the group who implemented random acts of kindness saw a much bigger impact on their mental health.

The study concluded that acts of kindness are helpful because it necessitates a connection with other people. Social isolation is a high-risk factor for survival — the same as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

However, in the midst of this distressing trend, Gen Z has defied the odds by displaying a drop in their suicide numbers. The number of suicides in individuals between the ages of 10 and 24 decreased by 8 percent from the previous year.

The CDC found a variety of factors that have contributed to this trend, such as heightened rates of depression and inadequate access to mental health services. But one key contributor stands out: the accessibility of firearms.

The report shared that suicide attempts involving firearms have a far more lethal outcome than those using alternative methods, and an increase in gun sales has made access much easier for those struggling with mental illness.

“I don’t know if you can talk about suicide without talking about firearms,” said Jill Harkavy-Friedman, senior vice president of research at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

This disheartening surge is even more alarming given that it outpaces the rates seen since the era of World War II.

Starting in the early 2000s, suicide rates increased year after year until they reached a peak in 2018. Then, there was a slight downtrend until 2021, when the pandemic turned the trend back. Now, the numbers have continued to surge among a majority of adult age groups.

However, Gen Z was the only age group to see a decline in suicides in 2022. Health officials attribute this positive shift to increased attention on youth mental health issues, along with a concerted push by schools and communities to address this critical problem. Additionally, the launch of a national crisis line has helped provide a lifeline to individuals struggling with suicidal thoughts.

Defining Terms

But what exactly do we mean when we say trauma, or more accurately, traumatic stress? According to leading researchers like Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine, it’s when a person’s natural threat response is activated in their body, but their ability to cope becomes overwhelmed and ultimately stuck in a hyper/hypo vigilant mode.

Thus, the traumatic event(s) become “stuck” in a person’s body instead of being stored as a normal memory. This inability to properly integrate the event into the narrative of their life is what results in symptoms such as flashbacks, disturbing thoughts, physical ailments or emotional volatility.

According to The Sidran Institute, 70 percent of Americans will experience at least one major trauma in their life and 20 percent of those folks will go on to develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). As Christians who want to love well, it’s vital we recognize our role in supporting the hurting within and without our walls.

God’s Heart for the Hurting

From Genesis, God modeled how He values people when He made us as the Imago Dei (Genesis 1:27), and then when He was finished, He called us “very good” (Genesis 1:31). He tells us He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), He is with us in all types of tragedy (Isaiah 43:2), and through the incarnation of Jesus, He walked with and healed the hurting (Luke 17:11-19; John 8:7).

So then, how can we be the hands and feet of God toward those who’ve experienced trauma? In the last several decades more information and research has become available and combined with biblical wisdom, it has something to teach us. 

Be Safe 

One of the primary ways we can love people who’ve experienced trauma is by offering our safe presence; free from judgment, shame, pat answers and unsolicited advice. Interestingly, Jesus models this for us when He calls himself Immanuel, God with us (Matthew 1:23). While He could have chosen to reveal himself in any way, He decided to come near to us in all of our broken humanity.

God’s desire for each of us is to know His nearness and goodness, and beyond that, He commands us to give this love to each other too (John 13:34). Yet, when someone has been traumatized, their natural warning system has been damaged, and it tells them to live in constant high alert; it’s as though there is danger lurking around every corner. However, when a relationship feels safe to a traumatized person, it can be life changing—quite literally helping to rewire the person’s brain.

Van der Kolk explains it this way in his landmark book, The Body Keeps the Score:

Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health … numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection again becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma … for our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety.

Stay the Course 

Trauma recovery requires incredible perseverance and courage. Beyond the rewiring of a person’s brain and body, most individuals healing from trauma will also face toxic levels of shame about who they are and their story (van der Kolk). In order to successfully process and integrate all these pieces with a trained therapist, survivors need people who are in it for the long haul; with all the messiness healing entails.

This certainly doesn’t require perfection, but instead faithfulness. Relationships that consistently display commitment and solidarity in the difficult phases of life build upon the safety survivors are relearning. In turn, this helps survivors stay committed to their own healing.

Further, it’s in these vulnerable places we, the Church, have the privilege to remind survivors they are loved (John 3:16), known (Psalm 139) and welcome right where they are in their process (Romans 8:38-39). And just as God is exceedingly kind with each of us (Psalm 117:2), folks in recovery have permission to be kind to themselves, too (Mark 12:31). As relationships grow deeper and safety continues to thrive, survivors will find it easier to “own their story” and find resilience in the face of shame. 

Connect to Resources

Finally, while the stigma around mental health issues is lessening, seeking trauma informed counseling or resources for recovery is often still taboo. Yet, when a friend or family member normalizes the need to have additional support, it becomes significantly more likely a person will follow through. After a safe, connected relationship with a survivor is created, it can be helpful to strategize with them the ways you can help them connect to resources.

Do they need someone to watch their kids while they go to counseling? Would they feel more comfortable going to yoga class if you joined them? Do they need someone to sit with them in the doctor’s waiting room? All of these simple elements can provide important support as folks move toward healing.

It Matters

Jesus demonstrated to us repeatedly how He cared for the hurting and the disenfranchised. But for us, fragile humans that we are, learning to be with someone else’s pain can be overwhelming. Yet, if we can remain connected to the ultimate healer in Jesus, we will find courage to create safety in our relationships and the resilience to love well. It might matter more than we know.

So tell me a little about AARMY.

It’s a fitness brand where we fight for and with each other for our best lives. I like to describe it as communal connective fitness. It’s an opportunity for me as a coach to marry sport and spirituality, to take advantage of physicality in the sense of putting my athletes — we call every participant an athlete. If you have a body, you’re an athlete — so being able to put all of my athletes through these challenging exercises or movements, where they can be broke open spiritually, emotionally. And that is my opportunity to pour  love and goodness into them, and really take advantage of this opportunity for a re-wiring to happen.

I like to think that you come into the experience one way and you get to leave a better version of yourself. We get to reinforce that you were created in purpose, on purpose, for a purpose. We get to reinforce that your dreams are valid. We get to reinforce that you are equipped for moments such as these.

The idea of marrying spirituality and fitness is pretty innovative. What misconceptions have you found that people have about the connections between the two?

I don’t know that there are necessarily misconceptions, I just think that people need to make it more of a specific priority. For me, the aesthetics of physicality has never been the priority. There is something so much more powerful that we can do in that moment.

At the end of the day, my belief system is that our body is what houses our gifts and talents. And really the point and purpose of getting strong in your body is to live the life you were intended to live. I just have a very specific intention behind the vehicle that fitness could be.

How do you keep that prioritized?

For me, it’s a lifeline. I have two kids. I know that I want to be around for my kids and I know part of me being around is me being healthy. I have two boys who are athletes. I married a world championship gold medalist. I ran track professionally. So for me, being healthy and being energized is a way of living. It’s a way of life that is mandatory for my day-to-day with my family.

But I get it. I get that it’s hard. The only way that I knew how to get through the isolation of the pandemic in recent years was to find a way to stay strong in my mental, spiritual and emotional state and physicality. And what I do allows me to do that while staying in community. That’s one of the things about connective fitness that I think is so beautiful.

The connected fitness piece was imperative for me and I think that can be motivation for people who are in the season, where they feel so overwhelmed and not motivated. Just know that, “Hey, well, if I can just find a group of people to train with every day, that’ll hold me accountable to continue to show up.” That breathes life into you in a different way.

There are so many options out there for people looking to take fitness more seriously. What sets AARMY apart?

It’s the coaching. There’s a difference between being a coach and being an instructor. I was an instructor for years. An instructor is someone that gives cues, “and one and two, and now we’re doing this.” A coach is someone that just has this ability to reach in and pull out your greatness. And I think what differentiates us, is that we’re coaches. We’re not just in it to give good workouts, but we’re really in this to help you see that you are created in purpose, on purpose, for a purpose. It’s a different intention. I won’t say bigger. It’s just a different intention.

What sort of impact has fitness had on your own personal spiritual journey?

It has really deepened my faith. I pioneered this style of coaching, where I do marry sport and spirituality. I don’t recall ever seeing anyone do that to the degree in which I do. And that is a scary thing to step out and do something that hadn’t been done before in the way that I’m doing it.

So it just deepened my faith. I was going to these functions and hearing, “No, you need to say this, you should be saying that, speak to that.” It seems so unprecedented to talk about the things that I began to talk about. It wasn’t normal. I had to trust it and I had to believe that I was being directed and guided in a bigger way. I needed to be obedient to the call. That outweighed it for me, that outweighed whether people were into it or not into it, it outweighed whether people would be offended or turned off by it, it outweighed it, me just honoring the call on my life and being obedient to that moment. And so it really, it deepened my spirituality and my faith.

It’s no surprise that social media isn’t exactly great for your mental health. And for many Gen Zers and millennials, social media apps are actually a major source of financial anxiety.

A new study by Deloitte found that 51 percent of Gen Zers and 43 percent of millennials say that social media makes them want to buy things they know they can’t afford. This is likely due to the fact that social media is constantly bombarding users with images of people who seem to have it all — fancy clothes, expensive cars and lavish vacations.

Of course, not everyone on social media is actually living the high life. Many people post carefully curated images that don’t reflect their true financial situation. But for Gen Z and millennials who are already struggling to make ends meet, seeing these images can still be incredibly disheartening.

It doesn’t help that Gen Z and millennials are more likely to live paycheck to paycheck than previous generations thanks to the rising cost of living, student loan debt and inflation.

The combination of social media and financial anxiety can be a recipe for disaster. When people are constantly comparing themselves to others and feeling like they can’t afford the things they see, it can lead to some some major mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Here are five reasons why it might be time to end your therapeutic relationship.

1. Lack of Trust

Therapy requires vulnerability and trust. You need to feel like you can share your deepest fears and insecurities with your therapist without fear of judgment or betrayal. If you find yourself holding back or not fully opening up to your therapist, it may be a sign that you don’t trust them. This lack of trust can stem from a variety of issues, such as a therapist who doesn’t seem to take your concerns seriously or who doesn’t seem to understand your perspective.

If you don’t feel like you can trust your therapist, it’s unlikely that you’ll make much progress in therapy.

“I think that with any kind of health profession, any type of career like that, you might have someone who believes that you’re struggling with this, or maybe this might be a diagnosis. And if you’re not feeling completely sure about that, then, in knowing your own health and wanting to be responsible with your own health, you have the autonomy to seek a second and even third perspective, to see if they all line up,” Brittney Moses, a counselor and mental health expert, told RELEVANT. “You have the right to advocate for yourself.

2. Poor Communication

Like any relationship, communication is key in the therapist-patient dynamic.

“It takes time to build that therapeutic relationship, or what we call a therapeutic alliance,” Moses said. “And there is an assessment that’s taking place at first just to get to know you and what your goals are and what your backstory is. So, I always say, give it some time, give it at least a couple of months, give it at least a few sessions, and pay attention to if they are also paying attention to what your needs are.”

But if after a few meetings it seems like your therapist doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t seem to understand what you’re trying to say, it might be time to move on.

3. Limited Expertise

Every therapist has their own areas of expertise, and not every therapist is equally equipped to help with every issue. If you find yourself struggling with a particular issue, such as trauma or addiction, and your therapist doesn’t seem to have much experience or training in that area, it may be time to find a therapist who does.

“I believe any well-intentioned counselor or therapist is wanting to meet you where you are, but they just might be missing something or some information,” Moses said.

While your therapist may be a great fit for some things, it’s important to recognize when their expertise doesn’t align with your needs.

4. Values Misalignment

Therapy is a deeply personal experience, and it’s important to find a therapist whose values and beliefs align with your own. If you find yourself disagreeing with your therapist’s approach or feeling uncomfortable with their worldview, it may be time to find someone who better aligns with your values.

“You do ideally want someone who comes from your worldview,” Moses said. “I think that really does enhance the experience.”

However, Moses also shared that there may be times when non-faith-based therapy could and should be complimented with church.

“I encourage people — especially if they’re having a severe mental health crisis like suicidality or psychosis, or you’re dissociating, hallucinating, having panic attacks or severe PTSD — any trained and competent therapist can help you work through that with evidence-based treatments,” Moses said. “Even if they are not faith-based, you can still go to your church and compliment them with some of the more practical work that can take place. It’s better to get help when it’s disabling your life.”

5. Lack of Progress

Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to help you make progress and improve your mental health. If you’ve been seeing a therapist for a while and haven’t seen any significant progress, it may be time to reevaluate whether this therapist is a good fit for you. While progress can take time, it’s important to recognize when you’re not making any headway and consider whether a different therapist or approach might be more effective.

“It’s a bidirectional relationship,” Moses explained. “If something’s not working, try to communicate it with your therapist or counselor. They’re learning you as well. See how they respond to those needs. If you notice that it’s just not working, there’s just still something that’s not connecting there, then you have the autonomy to seek someone who is a better fit for you.”

A new report from Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, found that loneliness is as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Murthy has issued an advisory warning that the loneliness epidemic is hitting the U.S. hard, affecting millions of people’s lives.

Murthy’s report comes on the heels of research that revealed half of U.S. adults say they’ve experienced loneliness, and young people are feeling it the most. The reports found that young people aged 15 to 24 spend 70 percent less time with friends face-to-face than previous generations.

“We now know that loneliness is a common feeling that many people experience. It’s like hunger or thirst. It’s a feeling the body sends us when something we need for survival is missing,” Murthy said. “Millions of people in America are struggling in the shadows, and that’s not right. That’s why I issued this advisory to pull back the curtain on a struggle that too many people are experiencing.”

The loneliness epidemic has been growing for decades, but the rise in technology has rapidly escalated the problem. Social media, in particular, is driving the increase in loneliness, with people who use such platforms for two hours or more daily more than twice as likely to report feeling socially isolated than those who spend less than 30 minutes a day.

It also doesn’t help that Americans have become less engaged with church, community organizations and even their own family members in recent decades. Research shows that those who attend community-driven events feel more connected with one another. The crisis deepened tremendously during COVID-19 spread, with schools and workplaces shutting their doors and sending millions of Americans to isolate at home away from relatives or friends.

“There’s really no substitute for in-person interaction,” Murthy said. “As we shifted to use technology more and more for our communication, we lost out on a lot of that in-person interaction. How do we design technology that strengthens our relationships as opposed to weaken them?”

That’s a dynamic Brittney Moses is trying to change. This LA native has dedicated her life to transformation the intersection of mental health and faith. She’s working on her thesis at UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior and in the meantime, hosting a terrific podcast on the subject in addition to her website, which has all kinds of great resources.

She sat down with RELEVANT to talk more about her work, how spirituality is part of the mental health conversation and some practical tips for finding a good counselor.

Within the faith community, what are some of the most prominent misconceptions that you’d like to change?

There are two big things that come to mind. One: throughout the history of the church, we’ve had this 100% spiritual view about mental health. We think the symptoms of mental health are all spiritual issues, but the biggest thing I advocate is that we are biological, psychological, social, and spiritual human beings. 

The second thing I like to really debunk is this idea that something must be wrong with you spiritually or morally if you are experiencing depression, anxiety or need to take medication. I think that comes from the assumption that good things must happen to people who do the right things and bad things must happen to people who don’t do the right things. It’s safe to just go, “Oh, you must be struggling with this because of a lack of faith or because you’re not in your Word enough or praying enough.” 

Matthew 5:45 says “Rain falls on the just, and the unjust alike.” Jesus comes across the blind man in John 9, and they’re like, “Who sinned, rabbi? Him or his parents?” And Jesus says, “Nobody sinned. This happened so God may be glorified.” It’s a part of the human experience. It’s not always because of someone’s sin, but in fact, something that God will use through our humanity.

Clearly, spirituality has played an outsized role in the ways the Church has talked about mental health over the years, and we’re getting better at understanding the importance of science, therapy and medication. But what role does faith play? 

I really do believe that the Church is a solution in our communities to the mental health crisis. Research for over 25 years has shown that when a person’s in psychological distress, they will go to their church. They will go to their clergy or their house of worship before they ever step foot to a mental health professional. 

That’s why I’m so passionate about having conversations on equipping the Church with this, because that’s where people are going. I think there was a study done where they found that something like 59% of pastors had counseled someone who went on to receive an acute mental diagnosis. That means there was something more severe and persistent and it may have slipped right by the pastor.

I do think the Church plays a preventative role in being able to learn the basics and see when something more severe is going on that needs more help, and could be partnering with mental health professionals as a first response to that. Before we had institutionalized healthcare, the monasteries were converted into places of care where they took care of the travelers and the mentally and physically sick. The Church always had this community role in supporting those who were struggling or battling illness. I think that rings true today.

What are some practical tips for people who want to be good support systems and don’t want to be dismissive, but just don’t know how to enter in?

One of the first things a person can do is to educate themselves. If you have a loved one who has been diagnosed with bipolar or BPD or trauma PTSD, complex PTSD, educate yourself. What are some of the signs? Even ask the loved one, “What are some things that typically help you when you have an episode or when you’re in this place? What do you need?” I think it’s this whole approach of meeting people where they are is a really big one.

Being accountable to notice that something’s working in their life helps. Saying, for example, “Hey, I noticed you’ve been exercising lately and you seem like you’re doing a lot better. I just wanted to encourage you to keep on. I see you and I’m here for you.” That positive reinforcement is great. 

If someone was physically sick, we might be like, “Hey, can I bring you food? Can I drive you to the doctor? What can I help you take care of?” Why don’t we treat mental health issues the same way? “Hey, can I bring you something to eat?” If they’re depressed and they just can’t seem to get out of bed, we can be like “Can I open your windows? Would you like me to drive you to your therapist appointment? Would you like me to help you set up an appointment with your therapist?”

How do you tell the difference between something that is part of taking care of yourself versus something that is just a coping mechanism?

In the beginning of this pandemic, I think a lot of us just felt unmotivated. A lot of us were a bit paralyzed by fear so we didn’t really know how to move through life. I gave into the Netflix binge and that pint of Ben and Jerry’s laying around. I was always telling people, “Have grace for how you’re coping right now and in your level of productivity.” 

We’ve never been in a pandemic before. A lot of us are lacking social support, which our body biologically needs. We have biological mechanisms like mirror neurons and neuro chemicals that release upon healthy intimacy with other people that are meant to bond us into healthy attachments. The fact that we are feeling a little unhinged is totally normal. You’re not totally in your rhythm and you might be off or you might have one too many of this or that. 

But if it’s persisting for over a month or you’re having more bad days or anxious days after that month, that might be a sign.

It’s never too early to get help. I encourage people to also use common sense wisdom. You actually know more about yourself than you may realize. If you notice that you’re not feeling good when you’re scrolling too much on Instagram or not getting sleep, try to tune into your own common sense wisdom to go, “OK. I notice that these things don’t help me. I feel worse when I do these things so maybe I should do less of these things and more of the things that aren’t naturally just boosting my mood and helping me out here.”

Do you have any advice for people who are totally new to the counseling game and don’t really know where to start?

Four things. First go through your health insurance. They should be able to give you a directory or partner you with someone who is in your area. You could even go to healthcare.gov to try to qualify for some assistance for coverage and go from there to look for mental healthcare.

Second, you can also go through your primary care physician. Just say, “Hey, I’m looking for more help mentally. Is there any way you could recommend me to someone maybe within the hospital or network?” 

The third thing would be like online directories. Things like psychologytoday.com are great. They have hundreds of therapists on there, and you can filter it to your area. You can even filter it to a specific specialty, ethnicity or you can even filter for a Christian.

Lastly, would just be word of mouth. If you know someone maybe who has gone through therapy or even at your church. Sometimes they have people in the congregation who are mental health professionals that people underestimate. 

It is almost like dating because you still have to get a feel for them. Try a few sessions, see if it’s a fit. But don’t be afraid to break it off if after a while it’s not a good fit and it’s not effective. It’s worth it to find someone to plant your feet with to begin the work. You have to put in a little bit of the work upfront, but it’s worth it in the end.

Do you recommend that people get a Christian counselor, if they are a Christian? 

You do ideally want someone who comes from your worldview. I think that really does enhance the experience.

But also, I encourage people — especially if they’re having a severe mental health crisis like suicidality or psychosis, or you’re dissociating, hallucinating, having panic attacks or severe PTSD — any trained and competent therapist can help you work through that with evidence-based treatments. Even if they are not faith-based, you can still go to your church and compliment them with some of the more practical work that can take place. It’s better to get help, period, when it’s disabling your life than to just be like, “OK, I’m never going to get help unless they’re specifically Christian.” Even someone who has the skills, training and modalities can help you manage that. We should use all the tools that God has given us.

According to a new study out of Hangzhou, China, frequent consumption of fried foods, especially fried potatoes, is linked with a 12 percent higher risk of anxiety and 7 percent higher risk of depression than in people who abstain from fried foods altogether. The study evaluated 140,728 people over 11 years and found that the link is stronger among young men and younger consumers.

In addition to causing depression and anxiety, fried foods are also known risk factors for obesity, high blood pressure and other health issues. However, one expert explained that further study needs to be completed on the connection between mental health and nutrition.

“The human component of this study may indicate just what it purports: that higher intake of fried food increases the risk of anxiety/depression,” Dr. David Katz told CNN. “However, the causal pathway could just as readily go the other way: people with anxiety/depression turn to ‘comfort food’ with increasing frequency for some semblance of relief.”

In many areas of my life, there’s a quiet sense that I don’t measure up, but in this area, there’s just too much to measure. It doesn’t help that Grandma and her friends are the only ones who dote on my body or that the only things that fit from those petite clothing stores in the mall are hair clips. Like acne and annoying boys, I thought the issues of size, weight and body image would just go away with the passage into adulthood. I was wrong.

At 28 years old, the collegiate episodes of anorexia, bulimia and compulsive exercise are long behind me, but the mirror is still in front of me. And every time I look into its sometimes cruel fluorescent depths, I am reminded that my body doesn’t look like any of my Hollywood contemporaries. To block this haunting thought, I quietly remind myself, You’ll kill to have this body in 10 years. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Can you relate? Weight gain is a battle that many women and men fight all of their lives.

At the onset of college, we were warned of the “freshman 15 (F-15)”—those 15 pounds that seemed to come out of nowhere and attach themselves to every first-year college student who discovered that splitting a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at midnight really was the best way to make new friends. Despite the warning, almost every freshman woman I knew (myself included) fell prey to the F-15; those who managed to escape usually gained the excess mass during their sophomore year.

Like a line of ants on autopilot, we began marching our rotund selves into the college gym, trading our friendship with Ben & Jerry for StairMaster and LifeCycle. Armed with Walkmans, new pairs of Nikes and the abundance of free time reserved only for college students and retirees, we fought the F-15. There were some casualties, but most of us won.

After graduation, there was a new surprise attack from the secretary spread (SS)—those unwanted pounds that come with sitting behind a desk eight or more hours or a day. The SS was much more difficult to fight than the F-15. The F-15 hit during the freshman year of college and was generally limited to 15 pounds. The secretary spread can happen to anyone, anytime, and it often inflicts a lot more damage.

For those who manage to dodge the SS, there’s another enemy around the corner: chubby hubby (CH)—better known as marriage weight. You’ve seen cute couples fall victim to the I-love-you-therefore-I-feed-you cycle, and within as little as six months of “I do,” neither bride nor groom can fit into their wedding clothes.

Then, there’s baby weight (BW)—those pounds that justifiably accompany pregnancy, but then wear out their welcome after birth. And don’t forget the slowing metabolism (SM) that Mom complained about. She was right; it eventually affects us all.

None of these would be as significant if our culture didn’t place such high price tag on physical appearance. But it does. As a result, 99 percent of the population is trying to look like the one percent, and it isn’t working too well. A Kate Moss-like figure may be the goal, but Oprah Winfrey’s public battle is the reality.

If you’ve struggled with issues related to your weight, the battle isn’t likely to subside anytime soon. An ex-alcoholic may be able to avoid bars and say no to parties, but the kitchen is a part of your house, and food is one of life’s mandates, along with water, air and shelter. So it’s essential to get a healthy grip on how we view ourselves.

The Bible refers to our bodies as “temples,” and so they should be honored, respected and cared for as such. But a temple is not something to worship, but rather a place to worship. When we begin worshiping the temple by placing too much emphasis on its construction and development, then we lose sight of its purpose.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we must recognize the responsibility to respect the temple and develop healthy perspectives on food, exercise and rest, even if Hollywood does not.

How healthy is your perspective on your body? Here’s a quick litmus test:

Do you want to avoid going out into public when your weight jumps up?

Does the number on the scale dial up anxiety?

Is the refrigerator an anesthetic for emotional pain?

If so, you probably have some unhealthy attitudes that need to change. Accept the fact that no matter what size, weight or shape you are, God sees you the same. He sees you as His child. His creation. Beautiful. Created in His image. No, you may not look like the world wants you to look. You look better. You look like what He wants you to look like: Himself.

It’s great to be healthy. Vitamin supplements, organic foods, exercise and sunscreen should all become part of your life (if they aren’t already), but not at the cost of your relationship with God. Not at the cost of spending two hours in the gym and zero hours with Him. Not at the cost of allowing your emotions and self-worth to yo-yo with your weight, forgetting the Bible has a much higher, more stable appraisal of you.

Rather than riding the pendulum of emotional extremes, take time to discover what is realistic for you. For some, that means exercising more; for others, less. For some, it means eating more; for others, less. If you’re concerned about every calorie and fat gram you consume, you probably need to relax. If you don’t care at all, then maybe it’s time to give a hoot.

More than anyone else, you know your body, and you’re the only one who can determine what foods, exercise programs and amounts of rest will allow you to function in optimal health. Begin making the choices that will lead you there.

Consider these five ways that faith is really good for you.

Faith Encourages Healthy Behavior

“Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t chew, and don’t go with girls who do.” Even the fundamentalist Christian high school I attended considered that line outdated. Nevertheless, the effect of behavioral change due to religion literally reduces your chances of dying. Your faith community may not encourage you to eat organic, non-GMO, plant-based, local and slow foods, but it probably still exercises some healthy influence on the habits you form and the activities you undertake.

I discovered a stark example visiting the work of a Christian microfinance agency in Cambodia. Microfinance aims to help people out of poverty by giving small loans to start small businesses. But the loan client I met, a fisherman, told me that what really helped him was learning discipline through the small group of loan clients he regularly met with. Many of them were Christians, so he became one too. They helped him stop drinking, which ended the damaging home environment for his wife and children. Religion didn’t fix his life and help him out of poverty. But through regular exposure to a group with healthier lifestyles and habits, faith created an environment to make that happen in his own life.

Faith Reduces Stress

Stress has a direct negative effect on your immune system, reducing the ability of cells to attack disease inside the body. Studies have shown that religion reduces stress in a number of ways. Prayer, in particular, can reduce high blood pressure that is due to stress. The anxieties and stresses of modern life tend to encourage the body’s fight or flight response. Prayer, worship and other spiritual activities can balance out this stress response by enhancing the body’s relaxation response.

In addition, people who are religious tend to think in ways that are healthy. Faith gives people a sense of meaning and purpose in life, which is linked to better health. The brain controls every aspect of our bodies, so how we think affects how our bodies work. In a similar way, religious people tend to be affected less by depression. Of course, real, faith-filled Christians still suffer from depression and other forms of mental illness. But while faith is certainly no cure for any mental illness, it does seem to offer an additional buffer against its worst effects.

Community Improves Emotional Health

Having friends is good for you. Having religious friends is even better. In fact, one study found that “church membership was the only type of social involvement that predicted greater life satisfaction and happiness,” according to Harold Koenig, the Director of the Center for Spirituality at Duke University. (He writes about all these studies in his book, Medicine, Religion, and Health.)

Another study found the same effects from informal social interactions with church friends—but not other friendships. Another study among older adults in Iowa found that frequent church attenders where 68 percent less likely to die over a 12 year period. The bonds we form as Christ-followers provide us with more than just a social calendar. They are a vital web that sustains our health through rich relationships that improve both psychological and emotional wellbeing.

Helping Others Improves Life Satisfaction

Faith makes you healthier by providing you a community more willing to help you when life is difficult. Christians created the world’s first hospitals, and professional health care has long been essential to missions and ministry to the poor. But if you don’t find yourself seated among nurses or doctors in the pew, never fear. Faith’s greater health benefit comes to those who help. People who tithe, or give away 10 percent of their income, are on average 10 percentage points more likely to be very happy with their lives, according to sociologist Christian Smith.

One study sought to determine which of two different methods would better help people who suffer from multiple sclerosis, but they found that MS sufferers who were providing help, not just receiving it, were actually the ones to benefit the most. Since religious people are more likely to give money to charity and to volunteer, they are also more likely to experience the health benefits of helping others.

Space for the Miraculous

We need not doubt the fact that God heals, sometimes in miraculous ways. More than three quarters of Americans believe that prayer can heal people from injury or illnesses. In a survey, the same number of doctors said that they believe in miraculous healings. In many cases, the truth of Christianity has been put to the test of its miraculous effects and found to be genuine. This was true in 9th century Egypt when one monk claimed that he knew of no one who had become a Christian “except for proofs which they have witnessed, signs which they have known, and miracles which they have recognized, which compelled them to submit to it and practice it.”

Today the same is true in many places. In China, 80 to 90 percent of converts claim to have converted due to divine healing. In Brazil, more Pentecostal Christians claim to have experienced healing than to have spoken in tongues. Whether through prayer, laying on of hands, or some other miraculous intervention, those who claim faith can find in God health for both body and soul.

Some have suggested that miraculous healings are actually a sign of a “placebo effect” in which Christian belief motivates the body to faster healing—and, it’s true, many studies have shown a positive correlation between optimistic outlook and effective recovery. But whether through placebo effect, divine intervention or, perhaps, some combination we do not entirely understand, the truth remains: there are health benefits to believing that God has control over your health.

We need to exercise caution when trumpeting the benefits of faith, as faith was never intended to be a pill and the Bible is not an exercise pamphlet. Faithful, believing Christians get sick and lead lives plagued by disease or physical ailments (many scholars believe the apostle Paul himself spent his life battling some sort of physical handicap). But if we believe that God’s authority stretches to the physical as well as the spiritual, then we can accept that He can manifest that authority in our physical health as well as our spiritual health.

Just as a personal trainer encourages you to target specific areas of growth, we’ve gathered a group of seven mental health “trainers” to help coach you on various ways you can be more mentally strong this year, in all areas of your life.

Whether it’s finances bringing you down, a worry over the future or a more personal struggle, stronger mental health means taking the right first step. Each of our expert trainers are hand-picked to address a specific area of need. This isn’t a catch-all, but it could be the right first step for you.

But first: No matter what change you want to make, have grace with yourself. Part of mental health is being able to engage with the process of growth without coming down on yourself for not already being at the finish line. This may take some work, and that’s OK. You can do this.

REDUCE YOUR ANXIETY

TRAINER: SARAH MAE, AUTHOR OF THE COMPLICATED HEART

1. Source your worries. “Look for the weed that leads to the deeper root. The weed is your anxiety-filled reaction to something, and the root is where [you] learned to have that reaction. What’s making you anxious, angry or depressed? Start there.”

2. Try this 15-minute worship playlist. “When negative voices enter my mind, I put on worship music. Here are my go-to songs: ‘I Will Never Leave You Alone’ by Paul Zach (featuring Liz Vice), ‘Give Me a Song’ by Will Reagan, ‘Take Back’ by Will Reagan and ‘Simple Gospel (Live)’ by United Pursuit.”

3. Find a comfortable counselor. “Ask yourself some questions about what’s the most important trait in a mental health professional for you: ‘Who will I be most comfortable with? Someone conservative, someone less conservative? A lay person, or someone with a higher education level?’ If you meet with someone and it’s not a good fit, it’s OK to find someone else.”

4. Share the truth. “Telling the truth is always empowering. Is it hard and vulnerable? Yes! But telling the truth helps us build relationships where people can really know us, and this is when we experience real love from others.”

FIND FINANCIAL PEACE OF MIND

TRAINER: CALLIE BRIESE, EXTERNAL RELATIONS DIRECTOR, THRIVENT

1. Start paying yourself. “When you’re budgeting, commit a recurring payment to a personal savings account. You can use this fund depending on your needs: emergency savings, money for a vacation or a way to help prepare for retirement. If possible, have this money automatically withdrawn from your paycheck so you don’t miss it.”

2. For advice, turn to Proverbs. “Proverbs 11:24 says, ‘The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.’ If we manage money in a way that is only self-serving, we will become lonely and isolated. But if we manage money in a generous way—planning for the future and sharing our treasure with others—we flourish personally and in community with each other.”

REINFORCE YOUR FAITH

TRAINER: BARNABAS PIPER, AUTHOR OF THE CURIOUS CHRISTIAN

1. Write Scripture by hand. “Writing does something to imprint words on my mind and heart in a deeper way. It slows me down and focuses my mind so I have to look at each letter of the truths God has given me. I use a journal and notecards. Either allows me to revisit the passages and cling to them.”

2. Don’t skip Ecclesiastes. “For hurting people, loud praises and bright optimism can often seem overwhelming or unrealistic, but Ecclesiastes speaks to us in our unhappiness and reminds us that while so much of this life is ‘vanity of vanities,’ there is a true God we can trust in no matter what. The book’s blunt reality reframes expectations, wipes away false hopes and leaves us with perspective on what we can expect from this life and from God.”

3. Memorize this prayer. “‘I believe; help my unbelief.’ This short prayer from Mark 9 is an expression of clinging to God and acknowledging He is worthy of trust. It is an expression of need and a cry for help. Jesus will help our unbelief and give us what we need to have hope in Him.”

If you meet with [a mental health professional] and it’s not a good fit, it’s OK to find someone else.

BUILD STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS

TRAINER: BARBARA BROWN TAYLOR , EPISCOPAL PRIEST, AUTHOR , PROFESSOR

1. Mandate in-person connection. “Decide how often you will enter into physical contact with other people (Once a week? Every two weeks?) and make a list of [activities] on paper slips—going for a walk with a neighbor, inviting a friend to coffee, volunteering. Put the slips in a mason jar, and every week pull a slip from the jar. Then do what’s on the slip— no excuses!”

2. Understand the powers at play. “When a congregation is at war over the color of the carpet, that’s not about interior decorating; it’s about who feels powerful and who doesn’t. It’s easier to criticize than create, which is why knee-jerk criticism is such a cheap shot. A community that wants to stay healthy will cultivate generosity, humility and unselfishness.”

3. Know when you’ve made a true connection. “Is there give-and-take in your conversations? Are you able to be silent together for short periods of time without feeling anxious? Are you able to make each other laugh? Have you found ways to play together as well as work on your relationship? When you’re in conflict with one another, are you able to own up to your role in the upset? These are good signs you are in a nurturing relationship.”

EMPOWER YOURSELF AT WORK

TRAINER: CARLY FIORINA, CEO AND AUTHOR OF FIND YOUR WAY.

1. Tie your goals to a purpose, not a plan. “Following a plan is always going to be a disappointment. If your ambition is for impact, reward or challenge, you can grow your ambition with each new job or title.”

2. Create circles of feedback. “Institute meetings and gather groups of people with no particular agenda and no reporting relationship to yourself. Talk to them and ask questions and create a safe environment where you actually want to know the answers.”

3. Stop failing, start making mistakes. “The term ‘failure’ is problematic because it looms large for people, but mistake-making is part of life. After a mistake, pause. Ask what you would do differently, and learn the lesson.”

ACCEPT YOUR BODY

TRAINER: NICOLE MORGAN, CHRISTIAN FAT-ACCEPTANCE ADVOCATE AND AUTHOR OF FAT AND FAITHFUL

1. Consider all bodies. “When you can see the goodness of every single body in the world, it will make the journey to loving your own body smoother. Pay attention to your neighbors and push back when someone makes a fat joke or says something racist or xenophobic.”

2. Find support on social media— really! “Look for body-positive hashtags like #AllBodiesAreGoodBodies or #FatAcceptance and find accounts by people who show up in their marginalized bodies and live life with purpose and intent. You can find body positive influences within specific genres as well. I enjoy hiking, and was thrilled to discover #UnlikelyHikers.”

3. Be intentional about seeing yourself. “Look at yourself in the mirror in various states of dress. Let yourself smile next to friends or family in pictures. Stand in front of oceans and monuments and let someone snap the picture. Don’t delete it. Keep it on your phone or post it on Instagram without apology. Courage breeds courage. We are facing down the lie that our bodies are not worth being seen.”

OVERCOME TRAUMA

TRAINER: BECCA STEVENS, AUTHOR OF LOVE HEALS

1. Find peace inside your routine. “Improving our minds and hearts after trauma is not a quick fix, so we need to take small daily steps that offer us peace, and do those things consistently. It could be exercise, taking up a creative art form, prayer, cooking or making lists. Find changes that encourage healthy living.”

2. Go to the pros. “If your vision has gone blurry, you need a doctor to get glasses. So when your life is unmanageable as it is, seek professional help! [For mental health], some resources to explore include the sexual assault center in your community, the 12 step rooms of AA, a guide to licensed mental health professionals or your pastor.”

3. Repeat this prayer. “Most gentle and merciful Creator, your love was with me over the hard and holy ground I have walked. I pray to feel that love surround me today, so I never forget its healing power. Amen.”

Yes, you read that right. Researchers at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden have discovered that exposure to human “chemo-signals” found in the underarm sweat of volunteers helps treat social anxiety when combined with mindfulness therapy. In other words, the key to relieving social anxiety may lie in smelling other people’s sweaty armpits.

These chemo-signals, more commonly known as body odor or “BO,” are produced by bodies in response to our emotional state and can communicate that state to others. The study found that patients who underwent mindfulness therapy while being exposed to these chemo-signals reported reduction in symptoms of social anxiety by nearly 40 percent.

“The results of our preliminary study show that combining these chemo-signals with mindfulness therapy seems to produce better results in treating social anxiety than can be achieved by mindfulness therapy alone,” said project leader Elisa Vigna of the Karolinska Institute.

While the idea of sniffing someone’s sweaty armpit may not sound appealing, this is actually a significant breakthrough in the field of mental health. Social anxiety can have long-term implications for those who suffer from it, including feeling sick, hot flushes, trembling and even panic attacks. So if a quick, stinky sniff can quell some anxiety, it could be worth the brief yet unpleasant smell.

It’s fitting that the cast of Ted Lasso is involved in this effort. The show, which premiered in the midst of the pandemic in 2020, has become a cultural phenomenon thanks to its themes of optimism, kindness and determination. Jason Sudeikis, who stars in the titular role, is expected speak with the Biden administration on ways mental health can be addressed in the U.S.

The pandemic has had a profound impact on mental health across the country, with many individuals struggling to cope with social isolation and the stresses of the pandemic. Biden has made mental health a priority, investing millions of dollars in federal, state and local efforts to address the issue.

In particular, the administration has focused on expanding access to mental health treatment for children and adolescents, as well as training first responders to better handle mental health emergencies. The goal is to transform the way mental health is addressed in America and provide much-needed resources for those in need.

This is a concept that we refer to in psychology as frequency bias or frequency illusion, and it can happen with pretty much anything. The fancy name for this is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. And if you’ve never heard of it before, there’s a good chance you will after today (see what I did there?). The main idea of this phenomenon is that the frequency of those things is not actually increasing, but simply your awareness of them. And that awareness changes everything.

There’s so much going on around you in one particular 24-hour period that it’s impossible for your brain to absorb it all. But when you bring your attention to something, which is generally called selective attention, you then begin to make note of that specific thing more and more often. Your brain now tunes into it!

LOOKING FOR PATTERNS

So, what if we could begin to apply this frequency bias to our thoughts? What if we could increase our awareness, and begin to see and understand our thoughts in ways we didn’t see before? What if we could actually tune in to our patterns of thinking, rather than just defaulting to our usual. The incredible thing is that we can.

In order to identify patterns, we have to have something to work with. To do that, I want you to take a moment and write down five to ten negative thoughts you’ve had in the last week (write down even more if you can think of them). It could be negative thoughts you’ve had about yourself (I don’t have what it takes to do this!), negative thoughts about others (He doesn’t really care about me), or negative thoughts about a situation (This whole thing is hopeless!), Now, I want you to take a look at the things you wrote down and begin to read through them one at a time.

Are there any patterns or themes that begin to emerge? Are there any themes that you tend to default to again, and again, and again?

Let’s try to isolate those today – because we’re trying to get to the root of why you think the way you do. And in order to do that, we need to see if we can find some patterns.

Philippians 4:8 reminds us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.” The beautiful thing about this scripture is that it gives us permission to change the pattern. It reminds us that we have the power and control to choose which thoughts we will tune into and ruminate on throughout the day. So much of the Bible aligns with healthy psychology and counseling.

God knows our tendency to default to the negative, so we’re being asked to make it a habit, a daily practice, to tune in to whatever is good, pure, true, lovely. We’re being challenged to increase our awareness of the right thoughts and beliefs throughout the day, and throughout your life. We’re being challenged: don’t just default to your usual, mindless patterns; change the pattern.

But in order to do that, we’ve got to first stop and take note of our patterns: both the good, and the bad, so that we can begin to change the way we think. We have to recognize our patterns if we want to replace our patterns. And when we do that, it will begin to change everything. Because thought change, leads to life change.

One of my clients, Hannah, came into our counseling session with her list of negative thoughts from a 24-hour period– and she came in with a list longer than she imagined she would.

Here’s what it read:

I don’t fit in.

They’re just pretending to like me.

He’s just being nice because he feels sorry for me.

I can’t believe I yelled at the kids – I am the worst mom.

If I don’t get it together, he’s going to leave me.

They invited me out of pity, but they don’t really want me there.

I don’t have what it takes to get it done today.

And those were just some of the things she had on her list. When she actually faced her thoughts, she realized how consistently mean, degrading, negative, and unhealthy they were. When I asked her to see if she could find a pattern – she realized she was stuck in a spiral of thoughts with a theme of inadequacy. She was never good enough. Not in her personal life, not in her marriage, not in her friendships, not as a mom, or a homemaker, or a businesswoman. Her thoughts were always pointing out where she wasn’t measuring up, fixating on all that was lacking. Her thoughts were not only hurting her, they were hurting her relationships. Now that she recognized a theme to her negative thinking, she started seeing it in almost every aspect of her life.

CONNECTING THE DOTS

Why was Hannah caught in a cycle of toxic thinking? Why did she always feel like she wasn’t enough? Long ago, Hannah had began defaulting to this way of thinking, to try and make sense of why she was adopted. This wasn’t a conscious decision on her part, because you have to understand she was really young at the time. But sometimes, our brain processes things for us – without our permission or awareness. It tries to make sense of the world around us, whether or not the interpretation it gives us is actually based on truth. False beliefs can start getting planted in our minds and in our hearts, beliefs that we carry – and then if we don’t recognize them, beliefs that get lived out in our lives and in our closest relationships.

For young Hannah, something inside of her needed to make sense of the fact that she was adopted. Even in the context of a loving, wonderful, compassionate family – there was an absence of conversation about her adoption story. And in the absence of healthy discussions about her adoption process, she had to fill in the blanks for herself. In her young mind, the problem was either with her parents or with her. And it was less painful for her to believe that she was the problem, than it was for her to believe that something was wrong terribly with her parents. There must be something they didn’t like about me. There must be something wrong with me. I must not have been what they wanted. I must not be good enough. This is where the seeds of her default thinking were planted, watered by the circumstances of life, fertilized by more unhealthy thinking, until she grew up learning to believe those thoughts, and apply them to other areas of her life – including in her closest relationships. Consistent thoughts of inadequacy had become a part of her thought process, without her awareness.

In order for Hannah to be freed from her default thinking, she needed a RESET. She began by recognizing her negative thoughts. And then, with the help of the process of counseling, we began getting to the root of where those negative thoughts and beliefs actually started; facing and healing from some of those old wounds. But that alone wasn’t enough. Now she actually had to replace them with truth. It’s not enough to simply stop thinking negative thoughts, you have to go the next step and begin thinking truthful thoughts. Replace them with truth, over and over again until something begins to change. Until YOU begin to change. Debra, are you saying that if I just think healthy thoughts enough, I’ll actually start believing them? That’s exactly what I’m saying. It took you many years to build up your default thinking, so don’t expect things to change overnight. But when you begin to fill your mind with truth, it begins to fill your life with truth. Things begin to change.

It may not seem like you’re doing much – repeating statements of truth instead of your negative default thinking, but when you begin replacing your negative thinking with truth, you’re changing the function of your brain. Every thought you think releases some sort of neurochemical. Negative thoughts release stress chemicals, and positive ones release feel-good chemicals. So, when you change your thoughts, it literally changes your brain. Your brain is neuroplastic, which means it’s malleable – it can change. You have the power to change how your brain works, and in turn how you feel and what you do, by changing your thoughts.

God made our brains, and He knows best the value and importance of thinking about whatever is true, and noble, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Philippians 4:8 is not just a sweet, sentimental verse in the Bible – it’s life or death. Because your thoughts have the power to seriously enhance your life, or to completely destroy your life. If you see the same stream of thinking coming back again, and again, and again – it’s time to own up to it and let the mental battle begin. Change your thought patterns, and you’ll change your life patterns. Change your life patterns – and you’ll change your relationship patterns.

This article is adapted from one of 31 practices in Debra Fileta’s new book Reset: Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life and is used with permission. Order your copy of Reset today!

Now that I am older and hopefully a bit wiser for the wear, I see that there is a much greater awareness about anxiety and depression in a general collective sense in the world. However, it is still so often spoken about in hushed tones within the church. We need to change that.

Tragically as a Christian community, we keep witnessing the effects of mental illness within our church leadership. Following the suicide of some prominent pastors, I knew I needed to share my experience to let all my fellow warriors know that they are not alone in their struggles or in the church.

When you are suffering from chronic depression or anxiety as a Christian, it seems that everyone wants to give you a pep talk, while almost no one wants to climb into the darkness and just sit with you. Everyone offers to pray for you, few want to walk through the pain that neither you or they understand. There are many uncomfortable silences, but far worse than the deafening silence, are the words that pierce through you like a knife and deepen your pain, which hardly seems imaginable. This leads to feeling even more out of place and misunderstood within the walls of the church.

The church I grew up in, you likely had two upspoken codes of conduct once you walked through the doors: 1.) You put on a happy face. It didn’t matter if your child just died or you were contemplating suicide …you better count it all joy and turn on that smile, sister! 2.) If someone asked how you were doing, the appropriate response was,” Fine.” You were always fine. It could clearly be untrue, as you said it with tears in your eyes and a trembling voice, but no one would question beyond this response.

Due to the environment I found myself in, I only reached out to selective people about my crippling depression. I hated the world I lived in. I hated what my life had become, and I spent years in such terrifying darkness, that I completely believed there would never be an end to it.

I was 15, when I first attempted suicide. It was on a Sunday afternoon. I went to the service that day. I sat alone in a row towards the back. I cried for the whole service…the WHOLE service. Out of a church full of people who had known me since I was seven years old, how many people do you think came up and asked if I was OK? No one…not ONE person. I left knowing what I was about to do and firmly believing no one would miss me when I was gone.

Following an unsuccessful overdose attempt, I woke up from my black out and that was the real start of my nightmare. I started trying to reach out and get help. I began therapy with a Christian counselor. I was prescribed anti-depressants, and I started talking to people in my church about it, despite how uncomfortable it made them. I was told by my pastor that if If attempted suicide, I would go to hell. I was told by my elder that I was beyond reaching, not worth saving, and I had fallen too far for God to find me. Trusted friends told me that if I had stronger faith and prayed more, I wouldn’t need anti-depressants. I was told that my depression was a result of my sin. However, as far as I knew at the time, my only repeated offense was existing.

From that point, I embarked on an often-solitary journey to battle my depression and come out on the other side, which took many, many years, though of course it is always an ever-looming possibility of it reemerging. There are SO many things I wish my church leaders and friends would have said and done differently, but they aren’t the people I really want to address. I want to talk to YOU, my friend who is a depressed Christian and maybe in so doing; we will reach the ones who don’t understand together. 

These are the things I hope you really hear today.

Your Faith Is Not Weak

If anyone has told you this, I apologize on their behalf. You are not lacking faith. In fact, you have some of the strongest faith of all, because you keep waiting and hoping for what feels like an impossible miracle to happen in your life, for the clouds to part and the sun to shine again. You may be weary. You surely have wrestled with doubt. You question where God is in the middle of this darkness, but a part of you still believes and that is amazing and inspiring.

Depression Is Not Your Fault

I hope you hear this and let it sink ALL the way in. God didn’t give you depression as a punishment for anything you’ve done. You are NOT a second-class Christian. You are not cursed. You are not possessed. You are struggling with a LEGITIMATE illness.

You Don’t Need to Hide It

You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of. Some of the strongest, most influential people in the world suffer from depression. It doesn’t benefit anyone to hide what you’re going through. Reach out. Find a qualified counselor. Take medication if it is prescribed. Go to a support group. Don’t fight alone.

You are Not a Burden

I know you worry about your depression becoming a burden to people. You might not want to tell someone that you’re having another bad day. You fear your loved ones will become sick of your struggles. I was recently struck by the similarities in the last several heartbreaking stories I’ve read of someone’s suicide—it was always late at night and they were always alone. They could have been smiling and laughing hours earlier, but once they were alone with their thoughts, the darkness took over. Please believe me when I tell you that I would rather you call me and wake me up, a million times over, as opposed to you deciding you didn’t want to “bother” anyone one more time and ending your life and THAT being the phone call I receive. I am willing to bet that your loved ones feel the same way. Don’t stop letting people in. Please don’t give up and think you are doing your family, friends or church a favor. Wake me up EVERY SINGLE time.

You Have a Testimony

Growing up in church, you hear these powerful testimonies such as, “God set me free from my addiction and I’ve never turned back.” To someone with chronic depression, sometimes hearing these types of things is well…depressing. You feel unqualified to help others, when you can’t help yourself. You don’t know how you’re supposed to have a testimony, if you never get through the TEST part. Listen friend, you have an AMAZING story to tell. Every day that God brings you through is a triumph. You have SO much compassion, love and mercy to offer and the world needs you to share that. The church needs you to be a reflection of God’s heart towards the hurting, the broken and the bruised and you can do that better than anyone else.

There Is a Purpose on Earth for You

I know you’re so worn down and tired of fighting. You’ve lost sight of the point of all of this suffering. You don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel like you’re surrounded by too

much darkness to ever BE the light. I know it may feel impossible to see the bigger picture right now, but it’s there, in God’s hands. There were years and years that I prayed to not wake up, every night before I went to bed. I cannot explain to you the redemptive feeling that washed over me, when I walked through another person’s suicidal journey with them. It was the first glimpse I had of how God could take my pain and turn it into something good. There is something good waiting for YOU on the other end of this.

Healing Can Happen, Please Hold On

I will be the last person to ever tell you that I never get depressed anymore or it all supernaturally lifted. However, I will tell you that by God’s grace and with intensive counseling, I have walked through more healing than I ever thought I could. I know things may look bad now, impossible to recover from even. I know the season you’re in is so dark and you don’t know how much longer you can fight it. This is just a chapter friend.

Please don’t put a period, where there was only meant to be a comma or a question mark even. It doesn’t have to all make sense right now. I am begging you to hold on though. I want you to live to experience walking in healing. I want you to know what it feels like to finally take a deep breath in and it not feel so heavy. I want to see the look on your face, when the sun finally hits it. Life on this Earth will never be perfect, but it gets better. Please stay, because I want you to. Hold on, because your life has value and purpose. You are loved and you belong.

Editor’s Note: If you or anyone you know is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, know there is help. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). There are people waiting to talk and help. 

The man talking is Kelsey. He’s a good friend, a firefighter and, at the moment, a personal trainer at my new gym. He’s also, apparently, a Bible study leader.

I haven’t been a member at the gym for an hour yet. I’m standing with about two dozen other members, all of us just finished with a morning workout. We’re heaving. Our hands rest on our shaky knees. Our excess clothing has been cast into sweaty piles around the gym. And our trainer is asking us to partake in a Bible study. I wouldn’t have been more surprised if he’d asked us to do a jig.

I’m skeptical, and I try to figure out why. I’m a Christian, after all. I go to Bible studies. I just don’t usually mix them with exercise.

“Nobody has to come,” Kelsey continues. “But we make it available for everyone. Our faith is an important part of why we do this.”

Loving God With All Your Strength

In Luke 6, a teacher asks Jesus what must be done to inherit eternal life. Jesus responds with a question: “What is written in the Law?” The teacher quotes from Deuteronomy: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” Jesus affirms his answer. It’s all a lead-in to the parable of the Prodigal Son, but it’s pretty interesting on its own.

We focus on loving God with all our heart and soul, and that’s probably for the best. “Heart” and “soul” can be loosely translated as “desire” and “life,” so they’re no small part of us. It’s not a coincidence that they’re first on the list. And loving God with all our mind may not make it into as many of our worship choruses, but most of us recognize the importance of learning more about Him.

But for many of us, loving God with all our strength isn’t really part of our faith at all.

It’s not a new problem. Ancient Gnostic Christians were a large and influential branch of the early Church who believed that the physical world was a lower, less perfect creation than the high, pure spiritual world. They saw the physical body as inherently bad and, more importantly, inherently separate from the spiritual world. In fact, many Gnostic Christians could not reconcile the idea of Jesus being fully God and fully man because they believed the supreme spiritual Being could not take on a physical identity without defiling His holiness.

That theology was pretty much debunked by the end of the first century, but its practical implications have been part of the Church ever since. The puritanical skittishness about sex. The monastic self-flagellation. Evangelical bans on dancing. Historically, the Church has largely seen the body and its senses as an obstacle to worship or else ignored the body altogether.

It’s not an attitude found in the Bible.

Give Your Bodies to God

On the contrary, the biblical authors revel in the body. The connection between it and worship can be found on virtually any page. David, in particular, has a penchant for expressing how he’s feeling about God with physical, sensual language. In Psalm 63 he says:

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.”

The usually cerebral Apostle Paul tells the Romans to, “give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” There’s a spiritual tie between true worship and bodily dedication.

And, of course, there’s Jesus himself, “the Word became Flesh.” It’s become such a familiar line to us that its weirdness is a little lost. Humanity had a deeply spiritually problem that God met in a deeply physical fashion.

I am not saying that there is no difference between the physical world and the spiritual world. There clearly is. I am only suggesting that the connections between the two might be more plentiful than we think. And when we ignore those connections, an important part of our spiritual life atrophies. That’s not to say you can’t be a good Christian without physical exercise. It’s to say that our bodies were created by God, and there’s something spiritual about using them.

“We Are His Masterpiece”

The word “strength” in the Hebrew from which Jesus quoted is probably best understood as “ability.” It’s a gritty, functionary word, meant to refer to things we do. Hearing it, the Hebrews would have thought of the physical actions that made up their lives—farming, traveling, war—which is why so much of the Old Testament asks God to bless the harvest, set one’s feet on the right path, and grant victory in battle. The early Hebrews lived hard, physical lives. Loving God with their strength was second nature.

In the twenty-first century, it’s a bit more of a stretch.

Modern work, play, relationships and even sex are increasingly electronic affairs—divorced from the body. Modern strength is judged by web savvy, Facebook friend counts or Twitter followers. Our “ability” and our “body” have become increasingly separated. And the concept of loving God with all our might becomes increasingly strange.

There is probably a way to worship God through web browsing, but the less our body is tied to our daily life, the less we’re able to use it as a way to worship God with our lives. We can’t ignore the body’s importance in Scripture. We shouldn’t ignore its importance to our spiritual life. Because our bodies—knuckles and noses, hipbones and heels—were knit together. Fearfully and wonderfully made. “We are his masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10).

One more thought. “Hypostatic union” is the fancy name for Christ’s dual nature of being fully God and fully man. It’s one of those biblical concepts meant to be more accepted than understood. But if we follow Paul’s advice and dedicate our bodies to God in worship, then we are, in some way, doing something at once fully physical and fully spiritual. We’re taking part in God’s divine dance that is not limited to just the spiritual realm or just the physical realm, but to all of us: heart, soul, mind and strength.

But I had to go to the bathroom. I tried to will the feeling away, but no matter what I did it stuck around. I rolled out of my sleeping bag and my feet hit the cold floor. The fire we had started the night before to keep us warm was out by now.

I put on my jacket, zipped it all the way up to my chin, grabbed the door handle of the cabin, and peeked my head outside. That’s when I began yelling.

“Hey, bear! Hey, bear! Hey bear!”

When I didn’t hear anything, I grabbed the protective shotgun we kept just inside the threshold and started making my way 50 yards up the hill to the outhouse. The only light was the stars up above and my dinky flashlight. Every few steps I repeated the mantra I had gotten so used to shouting during the week: “Hey, bear!”

I repeated the process on my return walk to the remote Alaskan cabin that me and my two buddies were using for the week – a cabin that served as home base for the fishing trip of a lifetime right smack dab in the middle of bear country.

Why do I tell you all that? Because as someone with diagnosed anxiety and OCD, I learned something important on that trip: anxiety isn’t always a bad thing.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD in 2014. Growing up, I always knew something was “different” about me. I couldn’t “just get over it,” whatever “it” was. Maybe it was a comment from someone, the thought of another “what if?”, or even an email that I had to re-read 50 times (no exaggeration).

For much of my life, my mind was trapped in endless thought cycles like a dog chasing its tail. Only that dog probably was more successful than I was in ending the madness.

I grew up in an evangelical tradition that frowned on mental health meds. I was told the answer to any sort of problem was to just pray more, repent more, or have more faith. That meant I suffered in silence for decades.

When it finally got so bad that my wife broke down in front of me and begged me to get help, I decided to go to a psychiatrist. It didn’t take long for him to officially diagnose me. And that was one of the most freeing days of my life, because I finally knew what I was up against and could make a plan to fight back. And that’s exactly what I did.

I discovered the book of Job. I came to grasp a proper theology of suffering. I got on medication. In fact, I even wrote a book about my experience to help other people find rest amidst their mental health struggles.

But there’s one thing I learned that I didn’t quite expect, and it’s what my Alaskan fishing trip made clear. It’s the part about anxiety not always being a bad thing.

See, we all have anxiety. Anxiety is simply our fight-or-flight response. It’s that fluttering heart, that pit in our stomachs, when a yellow light turns red quicker than we thought and we gun it. It’s the muscles that tense up when someone thinks it’s funny to pop out from behind a door. It’s the “palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy” that happens when we enter, say, a rap battle or get up on stage.

It’s the proper fear that, in bear country, there could be a bear lurking around the corner on your way to the outhouse.

What is a bad thing is when that anxiety – that fight-or-flight response – is triggered by everyday events. When you get a benign email from your boss. When your friend doesn’t text you back quick enough. When you hit a bump in the road and start wondering if you ran someone over. (That’s a real example from my life.)

In other words, when your anxiety starts interfering with your ability to function on a day-to-day basis, when it keeps you stuck at home and isolated, or when it steals the joy from your life and relationships, that’s when it’s bad. That’s when it’s a problem. That’s when you have to seek help.

Can I be real with you? I’ve gotten to a place where I have seen how God has redeemed my anxiety disorder. While I continue to pray that he would take it away, so far he hasn’t. So then what? I have learned that I can still trust he’s using it – he’s using me.

For example, my anxiety makes me really productive. I’m motivated by checking things off my to-do list. I respond quickly to work emails. I don’t meet expectations, I exceed them. Why? Because it mitigates the anxiety I feel about those things.

I take medication to help with that. That medication, in fact, has brought my anxiety down to manageable levels. And I thank God that he has provided the common grace of medication to help me fight back. But I’m also now at a place where I don’t have to curse my anxiety every moment, but can rather use it for good.

And isn’t that just like God? He takes what the devil means for harm and uses it for good! That’s where I’m at today. Now. I still have moments and seasons where I succumb to “bad” anxiety, sure. But I find myself more often than not using it as a tool.

Friend, maybe you’re facing a similar struggle. I want to encourage you that your diagnosis doesn’t have to be debilitating. You can tap into the “good” aspects. You can rule it instead of letting it rule you. You can take back some semblance of control.

You can have an anxiety disorder and still let yourself be anxious when you need to be.

And if you don’t believe me, well, there’s an outhouse in Alaska I can point you to.

Jonathan M. Seidl is a veteran storyteller and digital media consultant, having served as the Editor-in-chief of I Am Second. This article is based on his bestselling book, “Finding Rest: A Survivor’s Guide to Navigating the Valleys of Anxiety, Faith, and Life,” as well as the new guiding companion workbook, “An Invitation to Go Deeper.” Find more at findrestnow.com. 

The study, conducted by researchers at the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario Research Institute, found that cutting social media use in half for just three weeks led to improvements in body image and self-esteem. The study focused on a group of young adults between the ages of 17 and 25 who were spending at least two hours a day on their phones and showed symptoms of depression or anxiety.

For the first week of the study, the participants used social media as usual, and their screen time was tracked. In the second week, half the group was asked to reduce their social media use to no more than 60 minutes a day, while the other half continued to use it as usual. The researchers found that the group that reduced their social media use showed significant improvements in body image and self-esteem, while the control group saw no change.

“Youth are spending, on average, between six to eight hours per day on screens, much of it on social media,” Dr. Gary Goldfield said. “Social media can expose users to hundreds or even thousands of images and photos every day, including those of celebrities and fashion or fitness models, which we know leads to an internalization of beauty ideals that are unattainable for almost everyone, resulting in greater dissatisfaction with body weight and shape.”

But the research shows reducing social media use is an effective and easy way to improve positive body image and self-esteem among a vulnerable population of users. And while this study was only conducted over a period of three weeks, the researchers believe that reducing social media use for a sustained period of time could bring even more beneficial rewards.

“For the first time, we showed that the more vapers used e-cigarettes, and the longer they used them, the more DNA damage occurred in their oral cells,” said Dr. Ahmad Besarantinia, professor of research population and public health sciences at the University of Southern California. “The same pattern held up in smokers.”

The study builds on previous research conducted by Besaratinia and his team, which showed that vaping has a link to genetic alterations as well as other biological changes that lead to disease. The researchers recruited 72 healthy adults and split them into three groups — current vapers (who never smoked), current smokers (who never vaped) and people who never tried either habit.

The results found that DNA damage was 2.6 times greater in vapers and 2.2 times greater in smokers compared to that of non-users. Vapers who used pods had the highest levels of DNA damage, followed by those who used mods — which are larger. The team also found that sweet-flavored vapes had an association with the highest levels of DNA damage, followed by mint and fruit flavors.

The findings are important to public health, considering that vapes are most popular among young people. In the U.S. alone, 2.5 million young adults vape every day.

My heart instantly broke, because I have met far too many young men and women who are struggling secretly with emotional distress, due to their Christian upbringing. They have been taught that their pain is a taboo topic and a measurement of their spiritual immaturity. I see this pattern all too frequently in the Church and frankly, it is a dangerous ideology.

Emotional distress, such as anxiety, effects over 40 million adults with only 36 percent receiving treatment, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Additionally, depression, the leading disability in ages 15-33, affects 18.9 million individuals each year. Since 2016, suicide has been the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54.

Here is my point: emotional distress exists, regardless of whether we talk about it or not, and by not talking about it, we have left many of our brothers and sisters stuck in isolation and spiritual doubt.

So why do so many within the Christian community avoid talking about these difficulties? Why is the Church not discussing these topics more often? Although I have seen some positive change recently related to mental health initiatives within Christian circles, there are still many unbiblical beliefs associated with Christianity and mental health. I want to look at just a few of these common beliefs associated with emotional distress and offer an integrative perspective that may help us to advance both the gospel and emotional wellness.

Myth 1: My Feelings Don’t Matter to God

My first question in response to this statement is always, “Who told you that?” This is never a statement associated with scripture and from my study of theology, I am certain of at least one thing that contradicts this belief—It is this: You matter to God—feelings and all. I believe this false assumption is due to two primary sources: A distorted view of God and our experiences of invalidation. Both of these variables contribute to a sense of spiritual doubt and fear of our feelings.

Here is the problem: We have started to place the invalidation of our experiences onto our image of God. In doing so, we assume that when God does not respond to our emotional distress in the way we want, our pain is not acknowledged by God. This has a drastic effect on the way we handle our feelings and our faith. For many, it leaves them doubting God’s love, power and goodness. This could certainly correlate to the general decline in religious affiliation in young adults today. We are walking away from an image of God that has been damaged by the invalidation we have received throughout our lives.

What if God is listening, and does care? What if our struggle is not a result of God’s lack of goodness or attention to our needs but rather the outcome of our broken world, which WILL be redeemed one day and set right again. I have come to learn that my struggle is evidence of my need for the God of the Bible, who graciously gives our pain purpose. 

One of the foundational skills in counseling is validation of emotions. God created us to feel, to connect, to experience pure joy. In light of sin, we have also been exposed to the weight of pain, disconnection, loss, etc. Throughout Scripture, we see Jesus’ engagement with various emotions (fear, shame, loss, discouragement and more). He does not once dismiss them, but gently offers relief, hope, grace and healing. He hears and sees the broken pieces of our world. 

Psalm 34 reminds us that God is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. He does not walk away from us in our pain but calls us to own our weakness in light of His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

Our feelings are real, maybe not always rational, but knowing that God loves us, messy and undone, helps us to be honest with our emotions and allows God into the raw and real feelings we may be fighting. Ultimately, our belief in God’s power cannot be dependent on an answer to our prayers. God is still God and His timetable is not ours.

This is why scripture reminds us repeatedly to pray and to worship. Even when emotions are deep and pain is present; we can rejoice in the truth that our God is going to make all things new, and prayers will be answered in the promise of Christ’s return, where we will exchange our tears for shouts of victory (Revelation 21:4-5).

Myth 2: I Just Need to Have More Faith

One of the most common, and shaming, beliefs held by Christians in response to mental health concerns is the assumption that we just lack faith. The comments like, “Maybe you need to pray about it,” or my favorite, “Just surrender it to the Lord,” are not only assuming and condemning, but they also neglect to acknowledge emotional pain. We can acknowledge the biblical foundation of belief, as we are called in scripture to prayer and spiritual practices, which strengthen our faith.

Yet, if we start to believe that all emotional distress is a measurement of our faith, we are missing the Gospel completely. The assumption here is that our pain and emotional difficulties are a direct result of our lack of faith in God. I feel that we need to define faith here to clarify. According to Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

By this definition, we can have faith and struggle at the same time. Faith cannot be measured by our experiences and feelings. It is actually by definition the exact opposite; trusting God even when we do not see or feel that He is working amidst our pain.

Here is the problem: When we equate emotional distress with a lack of faith, we default to a works-based theology and place the responsibility for our healing and emotional wellness on our behavior. This belief not only strains our relationship with God but also creates a pressure for perfectionism, which hijacks the central message of the Gospel. To say that faith cannot coexist with emotional distress implies that the state of our brokenness must be ignored. The Gospel provides a contrary message, asking all who seek healing to first acknowledge their insufficiency and in faith, accept the hope that Christ offers.

Although I agree Scripture empowers us to confess our sin, surrender our lives to Christ and seek the peace of God in circumstances out of our control, I believe it also states that perfection is not obtainable here on earth.

Paul reminds us of this in Philippians 3, not having obtained the full righteousness of Christ, but pressing on to make it our own, knowing that our citizenship is in heaven, where our transformation will be complete. Scripture calls us to remain steadfast amidst our trials, not to deny discouragement and disguise our deficiencies.

The greatest danger about believing this myth is the potential to shame our pain and equate our insufficiency with sin. We are all broken and regardless of the source, God’s word welcomes us to wrestle and find rest. Seeking support through counseling or other avenues does not negate our foundation of faith nor should it replace our prayers for direction and peace. By reaching out, we allow others to join our journey of faith, seeking endurance and encouragement.

Myth 3: Mental Illness Does Not Exist

First, this statement holds a limited understanding of applied theology. Sure, so the New Testament does not discuss mental illness outright. If we want to use that logic, we will have to discount all scientific advancements not mentioned in scripture. Application of scripture must cross the cultural bridge of interpretation.

The Bible was not written to 21st century America, so understandably there will be limitations to our culture’s application. Due to scientific advancements, psychology has gained academic credibility through discoveries in neuroscience and other psychological research, which have foundations in scientific reliability.

Here is the problem: We are quick to run to the closest ER if we start coughing up blood, and we hug doctors who say the words “you are cancer free,” but we cannot accept the scientific research that has granted avenues for mental health treatment. This incongruence denies hope for those who have experienced years of trauma and for individuals who have been plagued by psychotic symptoms since childhood.

From a scriptural perspective, we see an emphasis on emotions throughout the Old and New Testament as David used much of the Psalms to process his pain. Jesus also embodied the role of a counselor throughout the Gospels, embracing those who were in need both physically and emotionally. I am convinced this belief is a result of cultural thinking rather than biblical thought.   

The controversial beliefs associated with psychological advancements trace back to the origins of psychotherapy. We all know the moral debate surrounding Sigmund Freud and his less conservative views on human development. At that time, the religious climate clashed with Freud’s psychosexual perspective and the Church disapproved of Freud’s moral impropriety. Over 100 years later, we continue to debate the differing theories of human behavior and overlook the advances evidenced-based treatment has provided to individuals. The bigger issue is that many do not even understand the purpose of a mental health diagnosis. Its primary use is to determine the best course of treatment for an individual. No one person fits in a single box or a single list of categorized criteria; yet by identifying specific symptoms of emotional distress counselors and other helping professionals can support individuals in obtaining effective treatment. For more information regarding the reliability of psychological findings and treatment, I encourage you to look into the research and be informed.

Myth 4: If I Take Medication for Emotional Distress, I Will Be Judged

This final belief, unfortunately, is all too common in the Christian community. Much like the previous belief, this assumption has a lack of biblical foundation and a high cultural stigma attached to it. Having worked in ministry and in the mental health field for 9 years collectively, I have seen the pain this belief inflicts on clients and friends.

Here is the problem: People judge because they do not understand. The Christian community likes to throw down the faith card, asking those who are seeking medication management to overcome their crippling emotions with Christian practices alone. That is the equivalent of saying, “fight cancer without receiving medical treatment”. We are not dismissing prayer and God’s power by obtaining additional support through medical advancements but utilizing all the supports available to us.   

It may help to clarify the function and intent of medication in regards to mental health. First, emotional distress is not singularly a “brain chemical” issue. In addition to individual biology, adverse experiences significantly affect the brain and overall emotional functioning. Thus, emotional distress is complex, with several contributing factors such as one’s environment, genetics, family system, interpersonal interactions, and individual experiences (UNWS- Sydney, 2018). Medication management is a form of treatment to support an individual’s coping abilities. Brain science teaches us that increased amounts of stress in the brain decrease the brain’s ability to regulate emotions effectively and in some cases changes the brain’s structure. The Treatment and Advocacy Center (2016) explains that opponents of certain medications misunderstand such research. They argue that brain changes prove mental health drugs are dangerous. On the contrary, structural brain changes result from medications for many brain disorders and are associated with their effectiveness. Ultimately, I hope the Church can begin to learn the function and purpose of mental health medications so that members of the body may better support and encourage one another in seeking wellness and balance within their lives. Taking prescribed medication is not a moral issue and I think it is safe to say those who do, need to be better informed.

Here is what we know: Our feelings matter to God, we can have faith despite fears, and support is available to us through God’s work in and through the lives of helping professionals and our Church community.  My hope is that we, as a generation of believers, can step out and start talking about how we actually feel, without fear of rejection or judgment. I pray that we will continue to dispute the lies our culture has adopted, learn to listen well, acknowledging the pain experienced by those around us; and press on, heavenward, reminding each other, “It’s okay to not be okay!”

I welcome this “don’t waste your life” message to up the pace, and I rejoice in its positive impact on thousands of Christians. Some of us, though, need to hear a different message:

“Slow your pace or you’ll never finish the race.”

As Brady Boyd warns in Addicted to Busy, “Ultimately, every problem I see in every person I know is a problem of moving too fast for too long in too many aspects of life.”

I’m not proposing that we put our feet up and opt out of life and Christian service. I’m talking about being sensitive to changes in ourselves and our circumstances and re-calibrating our pace to ensure personal sustainability.

Serious Shortage

Such pacing skills are in short supply among Christians, with the result that too many are crashing or fading fast before their race is over. It’s not just a “Christian” problem though; it’s also a culture problem. There are 225 million workdays lost every year in the United States due to stress; that’s a million people not working every working day.

“But I’m young, energetic and healthy. Why should I care about burnout and sustainability?” Every victim of burnout will tell you that unhealthy patterns of living and working that they learned in their youth caused their downfall later in life.

And if any group is in danger today, it’s the Millennial generation, whose stress levels are higher than the national average, according to a report by the American Psychological Association. Thirty-nine percent of Millennials say their stress has increased in the past year, and 52 percent say stress about work, money and relationships has kept them awake at night in the past month, with one in five clinically depressed or stressed out and needing medication.

In Reset: Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture, I explore a number of ways in which we can build personal sustainability. Three of the most relevant for the younger generation are: improved sleep, a regular Sabbath and recovering our God-given identity.

Improved Sleep

According to the Institute of Medicine, just one week of sleeping fewer than six hours a night results in damaging changes to more than seven hundred genes, coronary narrowing and signs of brain tissue loss. The latter is partly because sleep activates the brain’s garbage disposal system, cleaning out toxins and waste products. Chronic sleep deprivation is associated with increased risk of infection, stroke, cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease and infertility.

In short, sleeping is not a useless waste of time, but an essential biological need that prevents infection and helps us maintain healthy bodies. And it’s not just the body that benefits; sleep improves our brains, strengthens our resolve, elevates our emotions, improves our finances and enhances our spiritual lives too. Sleep is a gift from our gracious God to be received with gratitude and used for his glory and our good (Psalm 3:5; 4:8; 127:2).

Regular Sabbath

Even secular sources are increasingly recognizing the need for a weekly Sabbath. The Atlantic’s article The Case for the Sabbath Even if You’re Not Religious argues for a Sabbath even if God has nothing to do with it by promoting the social, psychological and productivity benefits of a weekly day of rest. The Sabbath Manifesto was developed by “artists, writers, filmmakers and media professionals who, while not particularly religious, felt a collective need to fight back against our increasingly fast-paced way of living.” They urge “one day per week to unwind, unplug, relax, get outdoors and get with loved ones.

How much more beneficial is a weekly Sabbath if we put its maker at the center of it (Mark 2:27-28). As Jesus said, it’s a gift, not a threat. It’s a time for healing the body, the mind, the soul, and our relationships with God and others. It’s God’s way not just of providing us with margin but of providing us with a spiritual and eternal perspective on our lives.

Recovering Our Identity

Contrary to the warnings of the identity theft protection industry, Russian phishers, Nigerian widows and Chinese hackers are the least of our problems. We all face far more dangerous identity thieves that are far more difficult to detect. Pride, commercials, Hollywood, social media, parental pressure, success, disappointment, failure, the Devil, aging, bereavement, the Church and so on have been far more successful at stealing our identities than any online thieves.

They’re more dangerous because they steal the answer to the second most important question in the world: “Who am I?” (The first being “Who is God?”). Our answer to that question about our basic identity impacts everything in our lives: our self-image, our health, our spirituality, our ethics, our roles and relationships, our careers, and our view of the past, the present and the future. Answer it right, and we flourish.

Answer it wrong, and we wither.

One of the great aims of the apostle Paul was to help us recover and restore our God-given identities. Throughout his letters he teaches us how to re-define ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us. This includes taking our default self-descriptions and re-ordering them using God’s priorities, filling in gaps in our identity, prosecuting falsehoods, re-framing failure, accepting change, and anticipating our future heavenly identity. By doing so, we not only change our thoughts for the better, but our feelings, our words and our actions, too.

So while we’re all taking positive steps to ensure the planet’s sustainability, let’s also make progress on the personal sustainability front. There’s no point in securing the planet’s future if it’s at the expense of our own.

Under the new policy, students facing a mental crisis can take a leave of absence instead of being forced to withdraw. “When they feel ready,” they can then return to classes with their standing in tact, school officials said.

In an interview with the Washington Post, Yale College dean Pericles Lewis said the university wants “to make clear to students their first priority in dealing with mental health problems should be mental health. And obviously we want people to be able to continue their education.”

The new policy reverses many of the practices that had been in place, including allowing students to retain their health insurance while on leave and access to campus resources. It also allows students to drop their course load to as low as two classes if they require significant time for treatment and if their petition is approved.

The changes also make the process for returning from a medical leave of absence simpler, requiring only a letter from their clinician and a personal statement explaining why they left, the treatment they received and why they feel ready to return.

The policy change is a welcome relief for students who had previously been forced to withdraw and lose access to therapy and health care at a time when they needed it most. Back in November, the Washington Post interviewed dozens of students who shared they felt forced to withdraw from the university after expressing mental health struggles to administrators. Many reported that withdrawing actually worsened the situation, leading other students to avoid seeking help for their struggles for fear of exile. 

Yale’s decision is a tremendous step in helping young adults holistically, and given that Gen Z is the largest generation to report they’re struggling with mental health, we’d love to see more of it.